In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

There is an increase in the usage of performance-enhancement drugs by professional
athletes
across various
sports
.
This
development has
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
because of the drug's easy access and fatigue caused by playing more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
games
. The possible solutions to
this
are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
games
and severe punishments. One of the causes is that these banned substances are easily available in the market for
athletes
to buy, even without prescriptions, thereby causing
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
usage to rise. Another cause of
this
scenario
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is the increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
games
or matches the
sports
professionals have to play. With the increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
games
, the need to stay fit
also
increases, which results in
sports
people taking banned supplements.
For example
, Paul Pogba, a famous Manchester United footballer, confessed in an interview that the reason he used to take steroids before matches
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
to keep performing regularly at the highest level,
othewise
Correct your spelling
otherwise
Manchester United would have sold him. One of the solutions to these problems is, obviously, fewer matches. If
athletes
do not have to play more than twice a week,
then
they can receive adequate rest and recover on their own, thereby reducing the need to take banned substances. Another solution is to make the punishment for doping very severe. If
sports
professionals understand that the usage of illegal drugs for boosting performance comes at a cost of a negative impact on their careers, it will discourage them from consuming these.
For instance
, FIFA had introduced a rule of banning footballers for
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
7 years if caught in a doping test.
This
was followed by a significant decrease in the
number
of reports related to doping before football matches. In conclusion, the pressure to perform at the top level, and easy access to banned drugs causes
athletes
to consume them.
However
,
this
can be solved by reducing the
number
of
games
and increasing the severity of the
punishmet
Correct your spelling
punishment
punishments
.
Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt effectively, it would benefit from providing a bit more detail and analysis in the body paragraphs. For instance, the reasons can be explored with more depth and different dimensions, such as societal pressures or economic incentives.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the usage of cohesive devices to improve the smooth flow of the essay. The transitions are clear, but with additional linking phrases, they could appear even more seamless.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and addresses both causes and solutions effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and easy to follow, with clear paragraphs dedicated to different aspects of the topic.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the reference to Paul Pogba, enrich the discussion and make the arguments more convincing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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