Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of website

The opinion
Correct article usage
Opinion
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about the
internet
from some people is that the content is potentially dangerous, to solve
this
problem, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should act as a censor. In my opinion, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should have
a stronger laws
Correct the article-noun agreement
stronger laws
a stronger law
show examples
along side
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alongside
show examples
with
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apply
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a special team who investigate some
websides
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websites
and close them if
requiered
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required
.
Firstly
, it is fair to say that the
internet
has
revolutionaded
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revolutionized
revolutionised
the
way
that we
comunicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
with each other or
also
how
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
easy
access
to different sources of information has improved
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
availability thought.
However
,
the
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apply
show examples
acess
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access
to the
internet
is fairly easy and worldwide we are used to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
connected every day. If we look closer
in to
Join the words
into
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the younger
population
, there are surveys from
last
years
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year
show examples
reporting about the larger percentage of time than they spend
in
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on
show examples
the
internet
. The
access
to an
adult only
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adult-only
show examples
webside
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website
has increased for
this
young
population
because the security provided to
access
them
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is very easy to resolve or they do not have any security
systeam
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system
at all. The range of age that the young
population
have
access
to these
webside
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website
websites
starts at
age
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the age
show examples
of 9 in Europe as per recent surveys.
Moreover
,
the
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apply
show examples
ciberbulling
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cyberbullying
is a new
way
of
harrassment
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harassment
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
internet
.
This
is suffered by adults and young people.
This
new
way
of
threatining
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threatening
has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
to
mayor
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major
show examples
mental health problems for the
victimis
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victims
and in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
committed suicide. The
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
should have stronger laws regarding acessing to
websides
Correct your spelling
websites
and
also
if there is any
short
Replace the word
shortage
show examples
of
cyberbulling
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cyberbullying
cyber bullying
they should close the
webside inmediatly
Correct your spelling
websites immediately
. In conclusion, despite that the
internet
has improved some aspects
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
our
lifes
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lives
show examples
, it is
also
a new
way
of
damege
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damage
the general
population
,
therefore
the
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
should
stronger
Add a missing verb
have stronger
show examples
regulations.
Submitted by alextf85 on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are fully developed and supported with relevant examples or evidence to provide a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing paragraphs logically, ensuring each one flows smoothly to the next. Consider using transition words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and sentence structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt directly, discussing the need for government censorship to ensure internet safety.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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