Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays the majority of our systems
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as communications, health or transportation are powered by computers.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

relationship of dependency between these areas and electronic
technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has developed
in
Change preposition
into

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a frightening situation. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

topic of discussion, I am
on
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the opinion
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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that our modern society is very
dependant
Replace the word
dependent

The word dependant doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

systems.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is fair to say that the
technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

used in communication, medicine or transport has improved
or
Correct your spelling
our

The word or doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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society and has given us advantages
within
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard

It seems that regards may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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development,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

us
Correct your spelling
as

The word us doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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satellites that
helps
Change the verb form
help

The singular verb helps does not appear to agree with the plural subject such us satellites. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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us with navigation as Google MAPS.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it has been shown how the need
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based

It seems that computer based is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has put in danger our personal data with
global
Add an article
a global

The noun phrase global computer virus seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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computer virus called Troyans. As an example, it is valuable to mention the incident that the NHS (UK health system) had
few
Change the article
a few

It appears that the phrase few years ago does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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years ago; a hacker managed to get access to some of our records.
After
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase After this. Consider adding a comma.

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a higher security system was built
in to
Correct your spelling
into

The word in to seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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.
Other issue
Change the wording
Another issue
Other issues

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun issue. Consider making a change.

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that
required
Wrong verb form
requires

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb required. Consider changing it.

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special mention,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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happened
few
Change the article
a few

It appears that the phrase few months ago does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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months ago,
where
Correct word choice
when

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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the Windows system that controlled and powered
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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international flights suffered an incorrect
updated
Replace the word
update

The word updated doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of the codes and caused
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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worldwide airport
caos
Correct your spelling
chaos

If you don’t want caos to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. In conclusion, despite the general improvement that computers and their
technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can provide, there is a big risk if we fully
depends
Change the verb form
depend

It appears that the subject pronoun we and the verb depends are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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on them as it has been
showed
Change the verb form
showing
shown

It appears that the verb showed should be in a participle form for the present perfect continuous tense. Consider changing the verb form.

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there
significant
Add a missing verb
is significant

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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uncertainty caused by an incorrect
codes
Change the noun form
code

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of codes. Consider changing it to singular.

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refresher or a direct attack against our systems.
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coherence cohesion
The essay contains a reasonable introduction and conclusion but would benefit from clearer paragraphs and transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main point and sufficient supporting details. Expanding on your points would help to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The writer makes a clear and concise argument, agreeing with the statement that reliance on computer technology is dangerous.
task achievement
The essay includes specific, relevant examples such as the NHS hacking incident and the global airport chaos caused by a Windows update.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
What to do next:
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