Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
Most
people
think that if you have a lot
of money
, you will be happier. In my opinion, I do not think so because money
is important in our lives, but that does not mean money
is everything. However
, people
can be happy with good relationships with family and friends
, as well as
good health
; all of these can bring happiness.
Firstly
, money
is important in our lives, but sometimes money
is not everything. That is
to say, there are a lot
of things that make people
happy. For instance
, some people
who have a lot
of money
are not happy because some of them are not in good health
. Moreover
, some of them do not have a good relationship with their family. Furthermore
, happiness does not come from money
. Maybe sometimes a lucky person can be happy with money
, but not all the time.
Another reason that makes people
happy is when they have a good relationship with their family and friends
. In other words
, when they have a great family and friends
, and they get along well and love each other, they will be happy. For example
, in some underdeveloped countries, people
do not have a lot
of money
, but they are still happy because their family and friends
make them happy.
Finally
, people
are happy when they have good health
without any problems. To explain that, some people
do not have money
, but they are very happy and comfortable because they are healthy and they do not have any health
issues. For instance
, people
who have a lot
of money
but bad health
cannot buy good health
. Nevertheless
, people
who have good health
can do whatever they want.
To sum up
, people
can be happy without money
because money
is not everything. People
who do not have money
can be happy with their family and friends
. In addition
, people
who have good health
can be happier than people
who have a lot
of money
.Submitted by s_syedy on
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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your points more logically. For example, have each paragraph focus on a single main idea and its supporting points, rather than mixing ideas and examples together.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points. This will help make your arguments more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
The essay successfully covers all parts of the task, addressing both the idea that money is linked to happiness and other factors contributing to happiness.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and present, providing a solid framework for the essay.
supported main points
The main points—importance of family, friends, and health—are generally well-supported, making your arguments persuasive.