IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that strict punishments for driving offences are the most effective way to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that alternative measures would be more
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in improving
traffic
Use synonyms
 safety.
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the one hand, supporters of stricter penalties argue that severe penalties can discourage dangerous driving
behavours
Correct your spelling
behaviours
. Higher taxes, more driving bans or high prison sentences may act as strong
acts
Check wording
deterrents
show examples
 to discourage crazy
drivers
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
particularly for offences
such
Linking Words
 as speeding, drunk
Use synonyms
drivers
Replace the word
driving
show examples
 or using
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
show examples
 phone
while
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 driving. When
drivers
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 are aware of the serious consequences of breaking the law, they are more likely to respect the regulations, which can lead to a reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 car
accidents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that punishment alone is not enough to improve safety, especially on the roads. They argue that preventive measures,
such
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 as better infrastructures,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better education for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
drivers
Use synonyms
 and more awareness
campaigns
Punctuation problem
campaigns,
show examples
 are more effective in the long term.
For example
Linking Words
, clearer signs, better roads or better driving education can lead to a reduction of
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
 In my opinion, the two ideas are correct.
Firstly
Linking Words
, stricter
penalities
Use the right word
penalties
show examples
 can scare the
drivers
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 and lead to a reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 breaking the road law.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still
traffic
Use synonyms
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 caused by factors
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not just about the law but
occurred
Wrong verb form
occur
show examples
 because of the
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a lightning lamp that does not work. So I think that the punishments added with a reinforcement of the
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 necessary to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the two ideas are complementary to each other because they have the same objective and can lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
efficiency
Replace the word
efficient
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 respect by the
drivers
Use synonyms

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task
Make your position clear in one sentence in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
structure
Plan before writing. Put two clear ideas about each view and give one strong example for each.
grammar
Use correct word form and spellings: infrastructure, penalties, behaviour, offences.
lexical
Avoid casual words like crazy drivers and use neutral tone.
coherence
Improve sentence flow with linking words and avoid long run-on sentences.
grammar
Check grammar and punctuation each paragraph.
content
The essay at least has both views and a clear personal opinion.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present.
content
Examples are given to support points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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