IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others,
however
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, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving
road
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safety
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. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. It is often argued that severe castigations are the best way to decrease traffic collisions whilst others disagree and think that
road
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safety
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 could be improved thanks to distinct procedures.
While
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 using other methods would contribute to
scale
Wrong verb form
scaling
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 down some traffic disasters, I believe that harsh corrections are the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
road
Use synonyms
safety
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. On the one hand, there are many different systems which have successfully been helpful in terms of
road
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safety
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 gain. Indeed, a lot of procedures were established
such
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 as laws in which they were created by governments to reinforce their citizen’s security. A good example is reducing the speed limit on highways in several countries
such
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 as
in
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apply
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France.
This
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 decree led to a better fluidity and distance between vehicles significantly cutting down pileups.
This
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 method is not a punishment not even close to
be
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being
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 strict, but
Correct pronoun usage
it sill
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sill
Correct your spelling
still
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 contributes to
road
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safety
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.
On the other hand
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, rigid sanctions are
the
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at the
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 forefront
to
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of
show examples
road
Use synonyms
safety
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 circulation. We, citizens, live in a society which is structured by rights but
also
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 by duties. Each one of us needs to drive cautiously and pay attention to the ones who surround us:
this
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 is one of our duties. From time to time,
road
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 infraction (often dangerous) caused by a driver needs to be heavily sanctioned because it is the main way to remind
this
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 individual of his duties and secure the roads.
Moreover
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, he will remember his castigation and will not infract the law again.
For instance
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, someone who
was
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did
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 not
respecting
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respect
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 the code
,
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apply
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 got into an accident and injured badly
an
Correct article usage
apply
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or several other human
being
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beings
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,
put
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putting
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 not only himself in danger but
also
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 other humans. In conclusion, even though different ways could be a solution to driving
offenses
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offences
show examples
, the more effective act is strict punishment.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples and expand on the points mentioned for even greater clarity and detail.
coherence cohesion
Work on varied sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Addresses both viewpoints and provides reasons and examples for each.
task achievement
Main points are supported with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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