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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table below gives information about the underground railway net- works in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main fea- tures, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway net- works in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main fea- tures, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graphic
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 some data associated with the subway railway system in different cities.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 the minority of scale was distributed by
Use synonyms
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
 and
passengers
Use synonyms
 over per year(in millions).
Linking Words
Whereas the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 largest quantities of
Use synonyms
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 London which
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
was also
show examples
 the first city to open a subway, and the predominant sector of
passengers
Use synonyms
 was Tokyo. Starting with the
Use synonyms
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of route,
length
Correct article usage
the length
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 London was remarkably high reaching 394 which
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 the oldest underground between these cities. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
Use synonyms
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
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 over Paris, Tokyo and Washington DC were not quite as much as each other, with 199,155 and 126
respectly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Linking Words
Similarly
Add a comma
Similarly,
show examples
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 and Los Angeles(
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the newest one to create
subway
Correct article usage
a subway
show examples
), but the lowest level of length was
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 reaching only 11. Turning now to the
passengers
Use synonyms
 over annual, the highest quantities of
passengers
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Tokyo with 1927 million
persons
Replace the word
people
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 and the
passengers
Use synonyms
 of Paris were not as many as it. London was in third place
while
Linking Words
 Washington DC
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occupied the
fourth ranking
Add a hyphen
fourth-ranking
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 position.
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 and Los Angeles
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
played minor roles,
however
Linking Words
, the number of people was more popular
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Los Angeles than
Use synonyms
Kyoto
Change preposition
in Kyoto
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words kyoto, kilometers, passengers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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