IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should spend money on the arts. Others assert that this money should be used to improve public services and infrastructure. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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While
Linking Words
 there are people who think that governments should allocate
founds
Correct your spelling
funds
show examples
 for creative
activisties
Correct your spelling
activities
, others state that would be better to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to improve public service and
infrastuctures
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
infrastructure
instead
Linking Words
. In my opinion, governments should invest more
money
Use synonyms
 into public
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as the health
systeam
Correct your spelling
system
 and to
restaurate
Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
 or improve
infrastucture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
such
Linking Words
 as roads or train rail.
Firstly
Linking Words
, governments are giving
money
Use synonyms
 to support arts
such
Linking Words
 as cinema, music or fashion.
This
Linking Words
 is shown in
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 cinema festivals or in the London Fashion Week
for example
Linking Words
.
As a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 benefit for the country could be that during the days
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
London Fashion Week
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 an increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 visit the city.
Therefore
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, more hotels and restaurants will have an increase in their revenue for those days.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 advantage is only for
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 specific sector and not for the whole country.
Secondly
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, when the government allocate
money
Use synonyms
 to public
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services such
show examples
 as the health system ,
for example
Linking Words
, the NHS in the UK, the advantage is reflected in everyone.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by giving
money
Use synonyms
 to the NHS the waiting list for surgery could improve
as well as
Linking Words
 the general health if the
founds
Correct your spelling
funds
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
giving
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 to contract more staff
such
Linking Words
 as doctors or nurses.
Thus
Linking Words
, if the
founds
Correct your spelling
funds
show examples
 are allocated for improving the train line, more people would commute using the train
instead
Linking Words
 of the car.
This
Linking Words
 would significantly reduce the levels of pollution. In conclusion, if the
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
allocate
Correct subject-verb agreement
allocates
show examples
 more
founds
Correct your spelling
funds
show examples
 for
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 sector or
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
, everyone in the country will
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it;
however
Linking Words
, by
given
Change the form of the verb
giving
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 to
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, only
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 will get the
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Use clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
task achievement
Pay closer attention to the language accuracy. There were some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that can easily be avoided.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and support points with greater detail. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer, more in-depth discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for structuring an essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements.
task achievement
You've provided relevant examples, such as the London Fashion Week and the NHS, to support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • economic stimulation
  • social cohesion
  • community building
  • public well-being
  • basic needs
  • infrastructure development
  • comprehensive development
  • cultural vitality
  • practical benefits
What to do next:
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