Some people believe that governments should spend money on the arts. Others assert that this money should be used to improve public services and infrastructure. Discuss both sides and give your opinion
While
there are people who think that governments should allocate founds
for creative Correct your spelling
funds
activisties
, others state that would be better to use Correct your spelling
activities
it
to improve public service and Correct pronoun usage
them
infrastuctures
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
infrastructure
instead
.
In my opinion, governments should invest more money
into public service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
such
as the health systeam
and to Correct your spelling
system
restaurate
or improve Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
infrastucture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
such
as roads or train rail.
Firstly
, governments are giving money
to support arts such
as cinema, music or fashion. This
is shown in differents
cinema festivals or in the London Fashion Week Correct your spelling
different
for example
. As a
benefit for the country could be that during the days Change preposition
A
for
Change preposition
of
the
London Fashion Week Correct article usage
apply
for
example, there Add the comma(s)
, for
are
an increase Change the verb form
is
on
the Change preposition
in
numbers
ofFix the agreement mistake
number
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
whom
visit the city. Change the pronoun
who
Therefore
, more hotels and restaurants will have an increase in their revenue for those days. However
, this
advantage is only for an
specific sector and not for the whole country.
Change the article
a
Secondly
, when the government allocate money
to public service
as the health system , Fix the agreement mistake
services such
for example
, the NHS in the UK, the advantage is reflected in everyone. Moreover
, by giving money
to the NHS the waiting list for surgery could improve as well as
the general health if the founds
Correct your spelling
funds
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
giving
to contract more staff Wrong verb form
given
such
as doctors or nurses. Thus
, if the founds
are allocated for improving the train line, more people would commute using the train Correct your spelling
funds
instead
of the car. This
would significantly reduce the levels of pollution.
In conclusion, if the goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
allocate
more Correct subject-verb agreement
allocates
founds
for Correct your spelling
funds
public
sector or Correct article usage
the public
infrastructures
, everyone in the country will Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
get
Verb problem
apply
the
benefit Correct article usage
apply
of
it; Change preposition
apply
however
, by given
more Change the form of the verb
giving
money
to arts
, only Correct article usage
the arts
few
will get the Correct article usage
a few
advantages
.Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Use clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
task achievement
Pay closer attention to the language accuracy. There were some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that can easily be avoided.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and support points with greater detail. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer, more in-depth discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for structuring an essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements.
task achievement
You've provided relevant examples, such as the London Fashion Week and the NHS, to support your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?