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Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the coutryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #coutryside #development
Worldwide the population
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the countryside is going to live in the cities,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 is causing a decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 numbers in the rural
areas
. In my opinion,
this
 only has
drawnbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 to the country, as in order to maintain a
healthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
 economy we need the rural
areas
 to have population.
Firstly
, as a
consequency
Correct your spelling
consequence
 of our modern
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 more people like to live in the city. It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the cities are given to the young generations, the
resorces
Correct your spelling
resources
 and experiences to develop their future careers.
The rural
Correct article usage
Rural
show examples
areas
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 suffering
Change preposition
from this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time ago. Nowadays, there are not enough people to work the land to produce food. It has been said on TV and
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the radio that in the UK the farmers are selling their fields for construction because their generation is getting old and
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
 can work their land as the young generations are more
incline
Wrong verb form
inclined
show examples
 to have work office jobs in the city.
Moreover
,
as a result
 of
this
 more food products need to be imported from another country which
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the final price of the product. The government should start promoting the rural
areas
 by improving the benefits,
for example
, if the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 would make more
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
 the farm jobs
like
Correct quantifier usage
more like
show examples
 reducing the
electicity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 bill perhaps more people would decide to go back to the villages. In conclusion, if the villages and the rural
areas
 get empty ,we will not have enough food and the cost of living will increase as a
consequency
Correct your spelling
consequence
.
Submitted by alextf85 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
You use relevant examples to support your main points.
task achievement
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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