IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #school #programs #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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Recently, people have paid attention to the necessity of high
school
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students
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 working on volunteer activities
such
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 as working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to children in their
school
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 programs.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 general trend and provide the author's opinion. First and foremost, working on
such
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 activities can be
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for secondary
school
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students
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.
According to
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 research on
correlation
Add an article
the correlation
show examples
 between the number of
such
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 experiences and their attitude toward studying their subjects, it says that the more unpaid
community
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 services they experience, the more they are trying to
study
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 their subjects
for making
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to make
show examples
 society better.
This
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 is because, through working on something for others, they will come to connect their experiences to what they are learning at
schools
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school
show examples
.
As a result
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, even after graduating from senior high
school
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, they
will
Verb problem
apply
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intend to contribute to where they live.
However
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, there is a shortcoming as well.
For example
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, especially in countries
such
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 as Japan, which forces their
students
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 to
study
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 a lot, some
students
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 cannot catch up with their assignments
of
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in
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 other subjects like mathematics, physics and English.
This
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 will lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increasing number of
students
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 who cannot come to
school
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 because they cannot keep up with their
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. That's why most
of
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apply
show examples
Japanese
students
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 usually don't have
Correct article usage
the motivations
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motivations
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motivation
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in joining
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to join
show examples
 volunteer
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. In my opinion, we should
study
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for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 society better, so it is absolutely necessary to find connections between us and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
community
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which
Change preposition
to which
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 we belong
to
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apply
show examples
before starting to work or
studying
Wrong verb form
study
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 at higher educational organisations.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with the idea that unpaid
community
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 service should be compulsory in high
school
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 programs.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some people believe that younger generations should have more opportunities to work for their
community
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 without any payment, in some countries, it is difficult to make it compulsory because schools impose too many
sttufs
Correct your spelling
stuffs
stuff
 on their
students
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.
However
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, we need to reconsider the importance of
such
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 activities and take action to offer chances to them so that they can feel connections between them and their society.
Submitted by m.kiyosu1997 on

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task achievement
To improve in this area, focus on incorporating specific examples or statistics to support your points. This could add more depth to your arguments and will help to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph's main idea is supported clearly throughout the paragraph. This will enhance clarity and reader understanding.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well by outlining the topic and expressing your position on the issue.
complete response
You presented a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and challenges of making unpaid community services compulsory. This shows a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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