IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is no denying the fact that studying and working are two essential aims to reach in life.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that entities that offer work-training programs have a crucial role for youths, there is
also
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 an argument that joining colleges plays a substantial role for others.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, training through companies or agencies has an impact on career development,
In other words
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, as much as the candidates face new experiments, as much as they have a vast background in various divisions.
In addition
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, learning by diving into the depth of new positions and departments can activate the employee's intelligence.
For example
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, if I was a training manager for the juniors,
i
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I
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 would advise them and gradually monitor the directed tasks to maintain the diversity of knowledge.
On the other hand
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, undergraduate degrees can build a bridge
of
Change preposition
between
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 specific
subjects
Change noun form
subjects'
subject's
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 foundations, values, and principles. It is
also
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 possible to say that
tutor's
Correct article usage
a tutor's
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 wealth
experience
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of experience
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 in some areas illustrates the work secrets and helps the pupils to
be succeeded
Wrong verb form
succeed
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 by reducing the percentage of error trials.
Moreover
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, communication and relationships in the college community could enhance future academic chances.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a study published on the BBC platform
last
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 year, 98% of bachelor graduates in the United Kingdom were smarter than others in making relations in school society, so they have huge offers by investing in
colleague's
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues'
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 connections. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that emotionally intelligent individuals
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 able to equate between study life and professional life.

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task achievement
You provided a well-rounded discussion on both sides of the issue. However, to fully achieve a complete response, ensure that you balance the two perspectives evenly and improve the depth of analysis for each argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, to enhance coherence, strive for smoother transitions between ideas and ensure that each paragraph flows naturally from the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, which help in organizing the overall structure.
task achievement
You successfully highlighted the benefits of both work-based training and university education, showing a balanced view which is critical for a full response.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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