IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are best at or that they find the most interesting

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus
Nowadays, some people believe that in all schools teenagers should concentrate on all
subjects
 but, others think that teenagers should choose lessons that they are good at.
To begin
 with, people think that teenagers should concentrate on all school
subjects
 equally
however
, some people say that pupils should choose lessons that they are good at and I think
this
 is true because If students learn a subject,which interests them, they will master that sphere,which they want.
Moreover
, if a child learns a small number of
subjects
,he can spend more time on all of them and can learn more data.
On the other hand
, children need to learn other
subjects
 too
for example
 if they go to the historical and famous places like castles and old buildings they should know who lived there and which kingdom is and another example is they should learn science too because they should know what they are eating, is that harmful or not they can tell
this
 because of learning science. In conclusion, should learn lessons that they are good at
on the other hand
, pupils need to learn other
subjects
 too.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a more structured introduction and conclusion. Clearly outline your main points in the introduction and summarize your argument in the conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure you fully develop each idea with relevant details and examples. This can make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'moreover', 'on the other hand', 'therefore') more effectively to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Work on providing clear, specific examples to support your points. This makes your writing more persuasive and demonstrates a deeper understanding.
task achievement
You clearly addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows that you can express ideas in English and use a range of vocabulary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: