In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write atleast 250 words.

No
one
can deny doing
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
is good for our health.
However
, there could be a debate
which
Change preposition
about which
show examples
way is better: hiring a personal fitness trainer or doing it in classes. Each of them has different pros and cons. Nowadays, many
people
choose to former option for several reasons. First of all, it
inhances
Correct your spelling
enhances
their willingness. Trainers struggle to
make
Verb problem
find
show examples
effective
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
to make them come to do
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
Additionally
,
people
do not want to lose their
change
Correct your spelling
chance
show examples
to
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
,
due to
the high price of personal training
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
. It increases
willpower
Correct article usage
the willpower
show examples
of
people
.
Second,
it offers
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
personalized program. Trainers always check their member's physical
statues
Correct your spelling
status
show examples
and make more fittable
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
to practice. They
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
not only physical
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
but
also
diet plans. What's more, it decreases injury.
Last
, it has more time flexibility. In modern society, there are many
people
who
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
not regular time.
For instance
,
some
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
one
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to work at night of rotation work. It is hard for them
enter
Add the particle
to enter
show examples
group activities. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
it is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
positive
developement
Correct your spelling
development
.
For example
, I had tried to learn swimming in classes. Since there were too many classmates, it was nearly impossible for
instructor
Add an article
the instructor
an instructor
show examples
to focus
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
of the students. That
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
made me
hard
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to learn
swimming
Replace the word
swim
show examples
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
contrast, when I took
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one-on-one
show examples
one
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
, the situation was much better. I could learn how to breathe, kick and jump very precisely.
Also
, I didn't need to
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
show examples
others to fully enjoy
pool
Add an article
the pool
a pool
show examples
, which
improving
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
my interest in swimming.
To sum up
, hiring
personal
Add an article
a personal
show examples
trainer is good since it
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
people
to
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
hard with more safe
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Also
, it fits for whom want to practice
irregulary
Correct your spelling
irregularly
regularly
. For
these reason
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
show examples
, I think it will lead not only an individual but
also
whole country in a good condition.
Submitted by semimama on

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coherence cohesion
Include transitional words such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' to further enhance logical sequencing and smooth transitions between your points.
task achievement
Provide a little more detail and depth when explaining why hiring a personal trainer is beneficial, potentially with more varied examples.
task achievement
You've given relevant examples from personal experience which supports your argument well.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a good structure.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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