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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs show changes in spending habits of people in UK between 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

The graphs show changes in spending habits of people in UK between 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
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The two pie charts given compare the changes in spending habits of
people
Use synonyms
 on seven consumable goods (
food
Use synonyms
,
cars
Use synonyms
,
computers
Use synonyms
, furniture,
petrol
Use synonyms
, restaurants and
books
Use synonyms
) in the United Kingdom in the years 1971 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, a significant change is noticed in the expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
,
computers
Use synonyms
 and restaurants; which has increased
almost
Change preposition
by almost
show examples
 two to
three
Use synonyms
 folds.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a minimum change in the spending on
petrol
Use synonyms
 and furniture.
However
Linking Words
, the money spent on
food
Use synonyms
 and
books
Use synonyms
 has declined moderately.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
three
Use synonyms
 major durable goods that have moderately increased over
three
Use synonyms
 decades are
cars
Use synonyms
 and
computers
Use synonyms
. The money spent by
people
Use synonyms
 on
cars
Use synonyms
 was only 22% in 1971,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,
show examples
 43% of
wealth
Add an article
the wealth
show examples
 was splurged on
cars
Use synonyms
 in the year 2001.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the expense
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
 was only 2% in
seventies
Change the article
the seventies
show examples
, compared to in 2001,
the
Rephrase
when the
show examples
 cost increased by six folds up to 12%. The spending on
petrol
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 doubled from 7% to 14% in
three
Use synonyms
 decades.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is observed that there has been a steady decline in spending habits of
people
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 and
books
Use synonyms
. The expense of English
people
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 was 44% in 1971 which dropped to 14% in the year 2001.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the spending on
books
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 fell from 6% to 1% over thirty years. There is only minimal change noticed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the money spent on
petrol
Use synonyms
 and restaurants, dropping to only 1% over
three
Use synonyms
 decades.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, food, cars, computers, petrol, books, three with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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