In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Somepeople say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays,there is no doubt that
people
have longer lifespan
than before.Fix the agreement mistake
lifespans
While
i
accept that it is beneficial for Change the capitalization
I
society
,i
believe that it may Change the capitalization
I
more
likely to Add a missing verb
be more
cause
huge stressful
Replace the word
stress
on
Change preposition
for
government
.
On the one hand,old Correct article usage
the government
people
underwent many things and they could bring the experience for the young people
so that they hardly made
Wrong verb form
make
the
similar mistakes Correct article usage
apply
like
the older.Through that Change preposition
as
ways
,it significantly Fix the agreement mistake
way
promote
Change the verb form
promotes
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
evolution and Change noun form
society's
people
have more example
to complete some trouble.Fix the agreement mistake
examples
Besides
,old people
also
boost the
consumption which Correct article usage
apply
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
the
Correct article usage
apply
economical
development.Replace the word
economic
For instance
,old people
have many leisure time ,leading to they tend to travel or shop.It enhance
the consumption Change the verb form
enhances
on
Change preposition
of
society
to some extend
.
Replace the word
extent
However
,i
would argue that the advantages of having an Change the capitalization
I
aging
population Change the spelling
ageing
was
outweighed the disadvantages.Change the verb form
were
Firstly
,the
old Correct article usage
apply
people
hardly become one of the workforce on
Change preposition
in
society
and that cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
the
huge pressure Correct article usage
apply
for
Change preposition
on
government
,leading a massive funding for old-age Correct article usage
the government
pension
.Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
For example
,Correct pronoun usage
there it
it has
more and more old Wrong verb form
will be
people
in the future in China and the low fertility rate also
happen here.Through this
two Correct determiner usage
these
solution
,governments should spend enormous money to solve it.Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
Besides
,with the increasing of old people
,governments should set up more and more hospitals or spare sports courts for them.It not only cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
the
massive funding but Correct article usage
apply
also
result
in the managed problem.They should spend more energy to control Correct subject-verb agreement
results
for
the old Change preposition
apply
people
.
In conclusion,it seems to me that the potential dangers of Add an article
an aging
the aging
aging
population are more significant Change the spelling
ageing
that
the possible benefits. It not only Correct your spelling
than
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
the
financial stress but Correct article usage
apply
also
the
management Correct article usage
apply
difficult
Replace the word
difficulties
both
the government and Change preposition
for both
society
.Submitted by fiasngs on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
There are quite a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can be improved for clarity. Consider revising sentences such as 'i believe that it may more likely to cause huge stressful on government' to 'I believe it is more likely to put significant stress on the government.'
examples
Try to expand on the examples provided to make them more specific and detailed. For instance, elaborate on how elderly people contribute to the economy through specific activities.
coherence
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and points to enhance the logical flow of the essay. Words like 'furthermore' and 'additionally' can be useful here.
introduction
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's stance.
examples
The essay contains relevant points and examples to support the main ideas.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and restates the writer's opinion.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...