IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work at school and in a daily life is a good thing.Others believe that we should try to cooperate more rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Competition
 in the sphere of
work
 and education can be invaluable when working with a group of
people
.
Although
 there are both positive and negative aspects of working as a team I firmly believe
competition
 can maintain peoples' weak sides
while
 working with a contrary person. In daily life,
competition
 can encourage individuals to improve their skills and make the most of their opportunities.
People
 who are better in some spheres may encourage their enemies which leads to improving some of their skills.
Competition
 can motivate students to achieve higher academic standards and develop a strong
work
 atmosphere.
However
,it may
also
 cause some problems related to individuals' psychology.
While
 working on their weak sides most
people
 may not cope successfully which leads to stressful consequences,
such
 as stress and anxiety.
As a result
,It may reduce self-confidence and self-esteem among
people
. Collaboration at
work
 or in education may lead to a more friendly
work
 environment among
people
.
While
 working together they can share their own experiences, pieces of knowledge and perspectives on the purpose of achieving common results.
Additionally
,they will support their colleagues and fulfil their ideas.
On the other hand
,it will be difficult to take into account personal dreams and get a promotion.When
people
work
 with a team,there will be a lack of time for themselves.
Consequently
,cooperation may limit their individual intentions in the sphere of
work
 and education. In conclusion,
while
competition
 helps to achieve results with full potential,the collaboration will not givethem
achance
Correct your spelling
a chance
chance
 to
work
 on their personal ambitions which leads to restricting their
work
-related destinations.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Consider developing your arguments with more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the depth of your response and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Take care to fully address both views in equal depth to show a balanced discussion. Your response should clearly show that you have weighed both sides thoughtfully before presenting your opinion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide a brief introduction of the topic before stating your thesis in the introductory paragraph. This will help set the context for readers.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion neatly.
task achievement
Your insights about the effects of competition on personal and psychological aspects are well articulated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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