Some people think that the government should invest more in public health and less in other areas such as education and infrastructure. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an argument that says public health investment should be more prioritized by the officials rather than other aspects
such
as education and infrastructure
. I personally disagree with this
notion and I will elaborate more on this
essay.
It is generally accepted that public health is important to be invested due to
it provides emergency facilities. Change preposition
in because
However
, an
educational field Correct article usage
the
also
plays a pivotal role to generate
Change preposition
in generating
an
excellent quality Correct article usage
apply
of
future generations. As the schools have adequate facilities to support the learning process, it leads scholars to maximize their Change preposition
for
potentials
. Fix the agreement mistake
potential
For example
, in Jakarta, the schools have a laboratory to help the students for doing a
biological Correct article usage
apply
experiment
. Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
In contrast
, the teachers in Sorong schools only educate their students about a biology subject by books due to
a laboratory lackness
. Correct your spelling
lack
As a result
, the quality of the pupils in Sorong is not that
excellent as the Jakarta scholars. If the government invests more Correct word choice
as
on
Change preposition
in
the
supporting facilities in Correct article usage
apply
such
rural areas, this
kind of disparity would not happen. Therefore
, the education investment has to be prioritized as well.
Furthermore
, talking about the other field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
such
as infrastructure
, it is clearly a crucial facility that need
to be invested Change the verb form
needs
by
the government. The Change preposition
in by
infrastructure
has a huge leverage on the economic situation in certain places. If a rural area has an adequate quality of infrastructure
, it supports their
people to transport their goods to the city easily. Correct pronoun usage
its
Thus
, the market price will be more affordable. For instance
, the price of eggs in Papua is around Rp 35,000 per kg, meanwhile
it is only Rp 25,000 per kg in Java. Add a comma
meanwhile,
This
gap price happened due to
there is no toll in Papua that reaches to
isolated placesChange preposition
apply
there
. Rephrase
apply
As a result
, the communities need to be burdened by an additional cost that is
caused by the poor infrastructure
.
In conclusion, the
investment in Correct article usage
apply
the
public health is important, Correct article usage
apply
however
, it is more wise
to invest Replace the words
wiser
to
other significant areas Change preposition
in
such
as education and infrastructure
. I strongly believe that the other fields have more crucial roles to individuals in a nation and the government should expend more on these areas.Submitted by chocolate10
on
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grammar
Try to improve the accuracy of your grammar and sentence structures. Some sentences are a bit awkward or unclear.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a deeper analysis and discussion of counterarguments. It's important to acknowledge and address opposing views.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between your points. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
grammar
Proofread your essay to avoid minor spelling and word choice errors, which can affect the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, making your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt comprehensively by discussing multiple facets of the issue.