In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In
contemporary
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the contemporary
show examples
epoch,
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
make use of advertising to strengthen the point that their
products
are innovative. There are several reasons
contribute
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
show examples
to
this
phenomenon, and I think it is a positive
development
. Businesses may emphasize their
products
, showing that they are
new
Correct your spelling
now
show examples
in their advertisements because
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
prone to show the public what are the merits of their
products
.
For example
,
Iphone
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iPhone
usually puts
spotlight
Add an article
the spotlight
a spotlight
show examples
on the innovation of
their
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its
show examples
camera,
such
as turning 2
lens
Change to a plural noun
lenses
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
3
lens
Change to a plural noun
lenses
show examples
.
This
emphasize
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emphasizes
show examples
their difference,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with other
brans
Correct your spelling
brands
show examples
.
Also
, they may do
this
to conceal their disadvantage and
out-dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
characteristics of their goods. Since the
emphasize
Replace the word
emphasis
show examples
of the new part may lead to the ignorance of their demerits, it is a good
way
to advertise in
this
way
. In my opinion, it is a positive method to introduce their
products
.
First,
as a customer, I can see how the business had made
their
Change the word
an
show examples
effort to improve their
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
directly through an advertisement. It is
cruial
Correct your spelling
crucial
for companies to make progress on their
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
and cater
the
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to the
show examples
public's needs.
While
it is the easiest
way
for
seller
Add an article
the seller
a seller
show examples
to prove what's new about their
products
, it is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
ideal
way
to put emphasis on their advertising to show the improvement.
Additionally
, the
development
of
this
kind of advertising turns out to be a great competition for businesses, which
manufactor
Correct your spelling
manufacture
similar
products
, to maximize their potential.
That is
, by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising showing the new prospect of
products
, other companies will realize the deficiency of their commodity and create their advantages. In conclusion, some causes leading to the
development
of advertising emphasizing their
products
are new, and for me, it is a good
way
to give customers better merchandise, which is a positive
development
.
Submitted by lovesonya0227 on

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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task, addressing both the reasons behind the advertising trend and providing a clear opinion on its impact. To further improve, more depth and detail in the analysis would enhance the response. Try to elaborate on the points with more varied examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Though the essay has a sensible structure, it could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader more seamlessly through your argument. Additionally, ensure all points are fleshed out evenly to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, establishing a clear response to the task and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to support the main points, such as the example of the iPhone camera, which adds specificity to the argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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