Young people today spend too much money on fashion and technological items. Some people say that this trend has negative impact on the society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
The most
life
expenditure for juveniles is for fashion
and technological facilities in this
modern world. That is
to say, youngsters spend their wages on styles and electronic equioments
extremely more than other items. Individuals believe that Correct your spelling
equipment
this
way has negative aspects for population
. I strongly agree with Add an article
the population
this
idea and in this
essay, I will elaborate my
own views.
One significant reason for my agreement is that if Change preposition
on my
people
spend a considerable amount of money
on fashion
and technology
, they will waste their both time and money
. In other words
, not only are fashion
and technology
items time-wasting, but also
these facilities do not help youngsters to
increase their awareness or knowledge. In my perspective, it would be better, if juveniles invested Verb problem
apply
on
purchasing a new experience beyond Change preposition
in
fashion
or technological facilities. However
, some people
may feel that fashion
and technology
are essential in our society and they might be practical for better communication.
Another momentous reason why I agree with this
opinion is that spending plenty of money
on fashion
and technological equipments
may change the way of living in society. By way of an example, individuals often tend to pay attention to the new style of Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
fashion
or a launched technology
rather than learning a vital career. Otherwise
stated, people
used to read interesting books or learn a new occupation such
as carpentry in the past. However
, it is becoming more and more popular for people
to notice various styles and social media which may not be vital in life
. In this
case, life changing
can lead to Add a hyphen
life-changing
alter
critical values in our society.
Change the verb form
altering
To conclude
, there is no doubt that some juveniles prefer to spend a lot of money
on fashion
or technology
. I personally think,
these payments can affect on Remove the comma
apply
life
negatively. As a consequence
, these negative impacts can not be addressed unless people
consider other more vital aspects.Submitted by TUTOO on
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear position on the topic and addresses both sides of the issue. To improve, make sure to use specific examples that directly support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, the logical flow between paragraphs could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices and transition words can enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have tackled the task effectively and provided a complete response by discussing both perspectives.
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