IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

A friend has offered you some work in his company. You are currently employed and not able to start for 3 months. Write a reply to your friend. In your letter: – give details of what you know about his company. – explain your current situation. – Give your answer to the offer and explain why

#friend #work #company #months #situation #offer
Dear Jin, Hope
this
 message finds you well. I am writing
this
 letter to express my current situation in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
company
 where I am working and why I
cann't
Correct your spelling
can't
 join your
company
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 3 months. As you know I got my dream job in a software technician
company
 after one year. In that
company
, I am the one handling all the system problems as creating DNS servers
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
Last
 time, when we met I remember I told you about my interest in your
company
. At that time I was not working in
this
company
. I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
joined
this
company
 just
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 months ago. It is impossible to leave it in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 months. I know you need my help to set
the
Change preposition
up the
show examples
 servers and their IP address as you have opened
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 location
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your
company
. I can help you
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some other ways next month I have some off from work I can join you for two or three days and will help you to get the all setup of IP address. Hope you will understand my situation. Hope to hear back soon. Yours faithfully, Sim
Submitted by kaursaijbir on

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task achievement
You have provided a complete response and covered all the points asked in the task. To improve further, you might want to provide a bit more detail about why you cannot leave your current job immediately, such as any obligations or projects you are currently engaged in. Additionally, making sure there are no spelling and grammar mistakes will ensure your response is even clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has a logical structure and each paragraph covers a single idea. However, to make it flow even better, you could add transitional phrases between sections, such as 'Regarding your company,' or 'As for my current employment situation,' to ensure smoother transitions.
greeting and closing
The greeting and closing of your letter are appropriate and polite, which adds to the overall tone and formality expected in such correspondence.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph has a clear single idea, which makes your points easy to understand and follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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