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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-acdemic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. Discuss both sides of this argument, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #year #school #university #gain #work #travel #non-acdemic #life #education #argument
The experience of non-academic life suggests an advantage
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
, entering
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education.
Moreover
, numerous young individuals decide to take a
gap
year
 between graduation and
enroll
Wrong verb form
enrolling
show examples
 in a university program, acquiring moments or travelling. I completely agree with
this
 opinion and consider that taking a
year
 out is crucial for young
people
. On one hand, there are several benefits to taking a
gap
year
. The primary reasoning
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 to learn in the major that they
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 by spending time from a
gap
year
, understanding themself. Many young
people
 do not know what they want to be in to future, so most of them choose to study
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
biology, engineering, and doctor which is a social
values
Change the noun form
value
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 occupation in Thailand. During
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 period, some of them may suffer
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 studying these
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
.
This
 can lead to depression during learning which
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 many negative
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
show examples
 on them and their life in the future.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think
gap
 years are
disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
show examples
 and unnecessary. In Thailand, the expectation of society is not
taking
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
 a
gap
year
 because they opine that
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
, taking a
year
 out, do not have enough potential
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
acception
Correct your spelling
accepted
from
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college. In some families, they
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
needing
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 their child to take a
year
 out because they are
embarussing
Correct your spelling
embarrassing
.
In addition
, a group of families believe that it is not significant
for taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
 a
gap
year
 because they do not what their children doing during
this
 period. They do not want their children wasting
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 and do not trust that their child will join the university. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
diagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 because they opine it is insignificant and
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a negative impact on their child, I
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 taking a
year
 out is more beneficial because we spend
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
understanding
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
 and choosing the greatest choice for us.
Submitted by Tiger23 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure to ensure ideas transition smoothly. Try to make sure each paragraph focuses on a single point.
task achievement
Develop more clear and comprehensible ideas. Aim for more detailed and specific examples that directly support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly presents your main argument with a brief mention of the counterpoint. This provides a better roadmap for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to language accuracy, especially in terms of grammatical precision and the use of relevant academic vocabulary.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present, which provides structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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