IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You have seen an advertisement in Australian magazines for someone to live with a family for six months and look after six-year-old child write a letter # Explain why you would like this # Give detail of why you are a suitable person to employ # Say how would you spend your free time while you are in Australia

#advertisement #australian #magazines #someone #six #months #child #detail #person #time #australia
Dear Mr Ashoorian I am writing
this
 letter regarding to vacancy
announcment
Correct your spelling
announcement
 in Sydney Asturalian
magzines
Correct your spelling
magazines
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
you have a babysitter or nanny
that she
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 lives with family
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
six months. I am interested
looking
Change preposition
in looking
show examples
 after your child and living at your home . To elaborate on why I am appropriate for
this
 job,I have vast knowledge about behavioural and psychology and nutritional
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
,since,I
was studies
Change the verb form
was studying
show examples
 at university in
pediatrics
Change the spelling
paediatrics
show examples
,
besides
,I can
playing
Change the form of the verb
play
show examples
 with children,
moreover
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
show examples
 to
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 over the two years . During my
leaisure
Correct your spelling
leisure
 time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the weekend,I like to
learning
Change the verb
learn
show examples
tennis professionally,
further
,I plan to visit the Canberra Museum to collect and familiar
with
Correct pronoun usage
myself with
show examples
 culture and
tardion
Correct your spelling
tradition
. I
wii
Correct your spelling
will
 look forward to your reply,please feel free to contact me if you need any details. Yours sincerely, Pardis Ghobadi
Submitted by pardisghobadi on

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task response
Try to proofread your letter to correct grammatical and spelling errors. For example, 'Sydney Asturalian magzines' should be 'Sydney Australian magazines.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs contain a single clear idea. Some sentences about your qualifications and free-time activities are mixed together, which may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using transitional words and phrases. This will help your reader follow the flow of your letter more easily.
task response
You have addressed all parts of the task well, explaining your interest in the job, your qualifications, and your plans for your free time.
task response
The tone of the letter is polite and suitable for a formal job application.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are proper and appropriate for a formal letter.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 150 words in writing task 1. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long letter will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 160 to 190 words in writing task 1. This will ensure a concise letter and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 20 minutes to write the letter and you need around 5 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long letter in 15 minutes.

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