IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have advantages or more disadvantages?

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Nowadays, a large number of
people
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 have to stay and
work
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 in their
office
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offices
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 for many hours
due to
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 the
problems
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 they face in life.
On the other hand
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, too much
work
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 may cause
problems
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 for them. In my view, the benefits are greater than the drawbacks. In
this
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 essay, both pros and cons will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, it has some positive points.
Initially
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,
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there are many
people
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 in
this
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 society who are facing economic
problems
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 and lack of budget .
In other
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words
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words,
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 They have to
work
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 constantly to build a good future.
For
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example
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example,
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 Many drivers who
work
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 for internet taxi companies like Uber are employees whose salaries are not enough and they have to choose a second job to maintain their lives.
Moreover
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, There are
also
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 those who are addicted to
work
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 for reasons
such
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 as not having enough fun. In fact, they believe that the best fun for them is to
work
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.
Therfore
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Therefore
, Working a lot can
have
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be
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 beneficial for some
people
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 so that they can have a better life .
On the other hand
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, every coin has two sides.
Firstly
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, every activity that humans do in their daily
life
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lives
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 can be harmful if it exceeds the balanced limit. To be more precise, working too much can
also
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 have many disadvantages . To exemplify, If an employee sits behind the desk and works for more than the allowed working hours, she can suffer from back pain and neck pain.
Furthermore
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, When we want to
work
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 too much, we have to skip our fun and spend less time with family and friends, which
according to
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 research can cause many diseases
such
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 as depression. In conclusion, on the basis of the points above,working a lot,
in addition
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 to having many drawbacks, at the same time, because
people
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 are involved in economic
problems
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 in their lives today, it can be very beneficial. So, from my perspective, the merits overpower the demerits.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transitional phrases and linking words to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score for Task Response, ensure that you fully develop each point with more detailed explanations and relevant specific examples.
task achievement
Work on fixing minor grammatical errors and improving sentence structure for a clearer and more polished response.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of working long hours.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion and outlines the structure of the essay, which helps in guiding the reader.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and restates the writer's stance, providing a strong ending to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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