It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is significantly important that
old
and young part of society should save Correct article usage
the old
money
for their future
expenses. On the one hand saving money
is important because people can lost
their jobs. Change the verb form
lose
be lost
On the other
hand
people do not need to hoard Add a comma
hand,
money
if their earnings is
a lot. I agree with the point of view which states about keeping Correct subject-verb agreement
are
money
for future
and there is a reasons
why I think so.
I agree, Change the noun form
reason
with
that saving Correct word choice
apply
money
is important
part of Add an article
an important
teching
children Correct your spelling
teaching
to
financial literacy because by saving up a little bit children can get a lot of Change preposition
apply
money
. For instance
, adding by 1 dollar every day there will be for
about 90 dollars in three months. Change preposition
apply
Also
, hoarding for future
is a good idea if Correct article usage
the future
peoples
earnings Change noun form
people's
is
too low especially Change the verb form
are
it
is important for poor humans. Saving Correct word choice
if it
money
for future
will help them purposely spend their Correct article usage
the future
money
.
In addition
, this
statement has parts that I disagree with. For example
, if people have great earnings there is no need to save them because thay
can buy it immediately and it will be their own choice should they hoard Correct your spelling
they
money
or not. In this
situation
it is not so important as that with poor Add a comma
situation,
peoples
.
In conclusion, there is Fix the agreement mistake
people
a
no disadvantage Correct article usage
apply
of
collecting cash. I agree with Change preposition
to
this
statement because poeples
especially young ones really need to Correct your spelling
people
peoples
hoarding
cash for Change the verb
hoard
future
for their own purpose. It will help them to become more financially literate and become rich.Correct article usage
the future
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language
Improve grammatical accuracy by refining sentence structures and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
task achievement
Develop more specific examples to illustrate the points made, providing clear evidence to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Structure paragraphs with clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph logically flows from one to the next.
task achievement
Addresses the task by discussing multiple perspectives related to saving money.
coherence and cohesion
Demonstrates a good effort to conclude the essay with a summary of the points discussed.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite