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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well.. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.

#people #risks
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Nowadays,
a
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apply
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 new criteria
has
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have
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 been originated regarding the principle of
risk taking
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risk-taking
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 and whether it is essential for ultimate success or not.I personally believe that it is the point where accomplishments start but it should be done wisely.
To begin
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 , as referenced above taking risks can be considered as the first vital step into the path of achievement.
This
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 is because it takes
people
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 out of their comfort zone into something more creative and far from typical thinking leading to unexpected results. To illustrate , A lot of discoveries and inventions started as a small risk taken by a brilliant scientist with innovative thinking. Not to forget that experimenting is considered an effective way of learning.
Thus
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, by engaging
into
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in
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 multiple risks and falling into bad decisions you will know where your errors
lye
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lie
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 and know how to avoid them the next time.
On the other hand
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, on taking big steps you should think rationally and set your self boundaries in order to reach the best option.
For example
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, whilst making any decision you should think about the
people
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 affected by it and if it puts other
people
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 in danger or not.
Nevertheless
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, if you choose to be selfish with a price paid by
another
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other
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people
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 it is doubtable that any triumph would be found,
This
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 is clearly apparent when thinking about the results of decisions taken by a lot of governments who neglect the importance of their citizens.
To sum up
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, taking a risk can be a great start for any new decision but it should be done wisely and on logical terms.
Submitted by m.mahmoud.2005 on

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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly. This would make the essay flow more naturally.
task achievement
For an even stronger task response, elaborate more on your examples and explanations. Deepening your analysis will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary precision to enhance readability and professionalism.
task achievement
Make sure to systematically link back your points to the main argument to reinforce your task response.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the tone for the essay, clearly stating your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and restates the main argument.
task achievement
Your essay covers different aspects of the topic, providing a balanced perspective.
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