Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
It is undeniable that in
this
digital era phones
have become a
necessary for everyone, including Change the article
apply
children
. However
, some people believe that using phones
, especially during school
weeks may disrupt their studies, thus
suggest to banned
Change the form of the verb
ban
it
. Others believe differently. Correct pronoun usage
them
This
essay will try to explain both beneifts
and drawbacks.
Correct your spelling
benefits
Firstly
the benefit for
using Change preposition
of
Add an article
the phone
a phone
phone
during Fix the agreement mistake
phones
school
days
is that it
can be used as a Correct pronoun usage
they
media
to Replace the word
medium
study
. With using their phones
it is easier for them to get accurate information quickly. When they found
a difficult question on their homework, Wrong verb form
find
for example
, they can use
their phone
to search the answer for it
. In short, students can Correct pronoun usage
apply
use
their phone
as a means to Fix the agreement mistake
phones
study
.
Another advantage for
using Change preposition
of
phones
on school
days
for students is that it could help them to be more organized and discipline
. There are many applications that they can Wrong verb form
disciplined
use
to do it. Use
reminder application
to help them remember Fix the agreement mistake
applications
homeworks
they need to do or Correct your spelling
homework
use
alarm application
to help them get up in the morning so they will not be late, Fix the agreement mistake
applications
for instance
, are some ways to utilize their phone
. In brief, phones
can be used by student
to help them be more organized and Fix the agreement mistake
students
discipline
.
Wrong verb form
disciplined
However
, allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
children
to use
phone
on Fix the agreement mistake
phones
school
days
may also
bring drawbacks. This
will disrupt their studies or, even worse, make them dropped
out of Wrong verb form
drop
school
because they use
it to open application
that do not have any relation to Fix the agreement mistake
applications
school
and study
. For example
, children
that
open a game Correct pronoun usage
who
application
or social media likely will loose
track of time and Replace the word
lose
did
not do their homework or simply cannot get up and go to Verb problem
will
school
because they stay up late to play. In conclusion, the usage of phone
for Fix the agreement mistake
phones
children
on school
days
can bring disadvantages for them.
All in all, on school
days
, children
can use
their phones
as a media for study
. It also
can help them to be more organized and discipline
. Wrong verb form
disciplined
Although
there are also
some disadvantages of it. In my believe
, it is okay to let them Replace the word
belief
use
their phone
on schhol
Correct your spelling
school
days
. However
, parents should be beside them to supervise.Submitted by anandeaadhity on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear discussion of both viewpoints and ends with your own opinion, which is a strong response to the task. However, there are a few points where your ideas could be more clearly expressed or expanded upon for better clarity of comprehension.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are present, some paragraphs could be better linked with smoother transitions. For instance, you might want to use linking words such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the other hand,' to connect your ideas more seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by avoiding run-on sentences and making use of conjunctions and punctuation efficiently. For example, 'Firstly the benefit for using phone during school days is that it can be used as a media to study.' could be revised for better fluency.
task achievement
You have addressed both views of the argument and provided relevant examples to support your points, which is crucial for Task Achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted and concise, summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
You have managed to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.