Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#people #children #phones #school #minutes

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It is undeniable that in

this

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digital era

phones

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have become

Change the article

apply

show examples

necessary for everyone, including

children

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However

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, some people believe that using

phones

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, especially during

school

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weeks may disrupt their studies,

thus

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suggest to

banned

Change the form of the verb

ban

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. Others believe differently.

This

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essay will try to explain both

beneifts

Correct your spelling

benefits

and drawbacks.

Firstly

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the benefit

for

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show examples

using

Use synonyms

Add an article

the phone

a phone

show examples

phone

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phones

show examples

during

school

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days

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is that

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can be used as a

media

Replace the word

medium

show examples

study

Use synonyms

. With using their

phones

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it is easier for them to get accurate information quickly. When they

found

Wrong verb form

find

show examples

a difficult question on their homework,

for example

Linking Words

, they can

use

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their

phone

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to search the answer for

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. In short, students can

use

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their

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phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

as a means to

study

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. Another advantage

for

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show examples

using

phones

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school

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days

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for students is that it could help them to be more organized and

discipline

Wrong verb form

disciplined

show examples

. There are many applications that they can

use

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to do it.

Use

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reminder

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application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

to help them remember

homeworks

Correct your spelling

homework

they need to do or

use

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alarm

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application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

to help them get up in the morning so they will not be late,

for instance

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, are some ways to utilize their

phone

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. In brief,

phones

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can be used by

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

to help them be more organized and

discipline

Wrong verb form

disciplined

show examples

However

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allow

Wrong verb form

allowing

show examples

children

Use synonyms

use

Use synonyms

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

school

Use synonyms

days

Use synonyms

may

also

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bring drawbacks.

This

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will disrupt their studies or, even worse, make them

dropped

Wrong verb form

drop

show examples

out of

school

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because they

use

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it to open

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application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

that do not have any relation to

school

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and

study

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For example

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

open a game

application

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or social media likely will

loose

Replace the word

lose

show examples

track of time and

did

Verb problem

will

show examples

not do their homework or simply cannot get up and go to

school

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because they stay up late to play. In conclusion, the usage of

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phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

for

children

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school

Use synonyms

days

Use synonyms

can bring disadvantages for them. All in all, on

school

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days

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children

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can

use

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their

phones

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as a media for

study

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. It

also

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can help them to be more organized and

discipline

Wrong verb form

disciplined

show examples

Although

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there are

also

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some disadvantages of it. In my

believe

Replace the word

belief

show examples

, it is okay to let them

use

Use synonyms

their

phone

Use synonyms

schhol

Correct your spelling

school

days

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, parents should be beside them to supervise.

Submitted by anandeaadhity on Sat Sep 28 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear discussion of both viewpoints and ends with your own opinion, which is a strong response to the task. However, there are a few points where your ideas could be more clearly expressed or expanded upon for better clarity of comprehension.

coherence and cohesion

While your essay follows a logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are present, some paragraphs could be better linked with smoother transitions. For instance, you might want to use linking words such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the other hand,' to connect your ideas more seamlessly.

coherence and cohesion

Improve the clarity of your ideas by avoiding run-on sentences and making use of conjunctions and punctuation efficiently. For example, 'Firstly the benefit for using phone during school days is that it can be used as a media to study.' could be revised for better fluency.

task achievement

You have addressed both views of the argument and provided relevant examples to support your points, which is crucial for Task Achievement.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted and concise, summarizing the main points effectively.

coherence and cohesion

You have managed to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

363 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Minimize
Distractions
Prohibit
Cyberbullying
Inappropriate
Encourage
Social interaction
Educational apps
Safety tool
Emergencies
Responsible use
Balanced approach
Restrictions

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