IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poor countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

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The
trend
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 of moving to other
countries
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 is increasing day by day. The majority of experienced skilled trade workers are moving to
welldeveloped
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well-developed
well developed
countries
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 for their future and a better lifestyle.
This
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trend
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 should be
stoped
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stopped
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 immediately.
This
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 essay will outline
causes
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the causes
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 and solutions of
this
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trend
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 before reaching the final conclusion. There are myriads of reasons which pinpoint the problem of
this
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 phenomenon. The
topnotch
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top-notch
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 concrete reason is
lack
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the lack
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 of
employee
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employees
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. After getting their experience if they
leaving
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leave
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 continues, definitely shortage of
skill
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skilled
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 workers will
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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.
As a result
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, Poor
countries
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 become more poor. Another pivotal aspect is the Economy. If
this
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trend
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 does not change it will have a huge impact on the economy of the nation.
Furthermore
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, They have to hire from other
countries
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 to run their services which will lead to drawbacks for the country and
also
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 affect their general individuals. There are colossal ways and means that can be taken to combat the problem. But
most
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the most
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 effective is
appereciate
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appreciated
appreciate
.The Government should reward them with a bonus and other facilities and especially with pay rates and encourage them to stay in their home
countries
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.
In addition
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, By providing special treatment and
further
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 facilities.
As well as
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 giving a rebate on taxes and climate bonus and most especially with subsidy on their study fees. If given ways can be taken seriously
this
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 mess can be solved.
To conclude
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, If the Government bodies and general people join their hands together
this
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 problem can be uprooted and solved. The Government should pay attention to
this
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 phenomenon.

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a more varied range of sentence structures to improve readability and overall interest.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea throughout.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will make your ideas more convincing.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, with a decent attempt to outline causes and solutions.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: the problems and solutions to the trend of professionals leaving poorer countries.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Skilled professionals
  • Healthcare systems
  • Education systems
  • Economic growth
  • Dependency on foreign aid
  • Social inequality
  • Quality healthcare
  • Quality education
  • Retain talent
  • International cooperation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Scholarships
  • Professional development
  • Remote work capabilities
  • Local research funding
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