IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. What problems does this create? How could this situation be improved?

Nowadays, the sporadic development of large and modern supermarkets can be witnessed in many areas.
As a result
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, numerous small and traditional shops are closing because they fail to compete with the giant supermarket chains in the particular area.
This
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 phenomenon will definitely lead to a
problem
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,
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apply
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 and needs to be addressed properly. The obvious
problem
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 that may arise
due to
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 the collapse of the small business is the economic instability of the particular country. We cannot deny the fact that as modern civilization moves toward a more fast-paced way of living, people tend to purchase goods from the modern market rather than the traditional one. For some people, it may seem insignificant
,
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 and considered as a minor
problem
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.
However
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, as we learn from the recent economic development, small shops as part of the SMEs (Small and Medium Enterprises) had a pivotal role in keeping the country economically stable. During the Covid-19 pandemic, when the
lock-down
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lockdown
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 policy was applied, many countries around the world collapsed.
However
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, several countries were able to maintain their financial condition because they rely on
the
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apply
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small and medium enterprises. Indonesia is one example of
the
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a
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 surviving nation as the
government
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 pays more attention to the development of the local
markets
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. Having said that, to tackle
this
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problem
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is for
Verb problem
,
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 the
government
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 to bring in a new policy that regulates the license of building
the
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apply
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supermarkets in certain areas. If the
government
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 can maintain the existence of small local
markets
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, it will boost the occupancy rates of the areas. Resulting in the decreasing number of the unemployed.
Additionally
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, they should
also
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 keep on promoting the traditional
markets
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 as the icon of the area.
For example
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, the
government
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 can encourage them to sell local iconic merchandise.
To sum up
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, as the number of
the
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apply
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small
markets
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continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
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 to drop
due to
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 their inability to survive the battle with the huge supermarkets, it might affect the stability of the country and many people will lose their jobs.
Therefore
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, in my view,
government
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 involvement is crucial in enforcing the policy to maintain the small business.

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task achievement
While you have provided a comprehensive response to the task, you could enhance your examples further to make your argument even more convincing. For instance, providing quantitative data or more specific examples would strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from slightly more structured paragraphs, making each point distinctly separate from one another. This would enhance clarity and readability. Consider explicitly stating each point in a new paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses both parts of the prompt: the problems caused by the closure of small shops and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-developed, framing your argument effectively. You've successfully provided a clear beginning and end to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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