Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. What problems does this create? How could this situation be improved?
Nowadays, the sporadic development of large and modern supermarkets can be witnessed in many areas.
As a result
, numerous small and traditional shops are closing because they fail to compete with the giant supermarket chains in the particular area. This
phenomenon will definitely lead to a problem
,
and needs to be addressed properly.
The obvious Remove the comma
apply
problem
that may arise due to
the collapse of the small business is the economic instability of the particular country. We cannot deny the fact that as modern civilization moves toward a more fast-paced way of living, people tend to purchase goods from the modern market rather than the traditional one. For some people, it may seem insignificant,
and considered as a minor Remove the comma
apply
problem
. However
, as we learn from the recent economic development, small shops as part of the SMEs (Small and Medium Enterprises) had a pivotal role in keeping the country economically stable. During the Covid-19 pandemic, when the lock-down
policy was applied, many countries around the world collapsed. Correct your spelling
lockdown
However
, several countries were able to maintain their financial condition because they rely on the
small and medium enterprises. Indonesia is one example of Correct article usage
apply
the
surviving nation as the Correct article usage
a
government
pays more attention to the development of the local markets
.
Having said that, to tackle this
problem
is for
the Verb problem
,
government
to bring in a new policy that regulates the license of building the
supermarkets in certain areas. If the Correct article usage
apply
government
can maintain the existence of small local markets
, it will boost the occupancy rates of the areas. Resulting in the decreasing number of the unemployed. Additionally
, they should also
keep on promoting the traditional markets
as the icon of the area. For example
, the government
can encourage them to sell local iconic merchandise.
To sum up
, as the number of the
small Correct article usage
apply
markets
continue
to drop Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
due to
their inability to survive the battle with the huge supermarkets, it might affect the stability of the country and many people will lose their jobs. Therefore
, in my view, government
involvement is crucial in enforcing the policy to maintain the small business.Submitted by raymond.sebastianvl on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While you have provided a comprehensive response to the task, you could enhance your examples further to make your argument even more convincing. For instance, providing quantitative data or more specific examples would strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from slightly more structured paragraphs, making each point distinctly separate from one another. This would enhance clarity and readability. Consider explicitly stating each point in a new paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses both parts of the prompt: the problems caused by the closure of small shops and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-developed, framing your argument effectively. You've successfully provided a clear beginning and end to your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!