Increasingly, many young people are deciding to work or study in other countries. What are the causes of this phenomenon? Do you think it is a positive or negative situation?

It is becoming a trend that recent generations prefer to
taking
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take
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a job or
pursuing
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pursue
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an education outside of their states. The potential of international
relation
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relations
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is
mainly
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the main
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reason for
this
phenomenon and I personally believe that it is a burden condition that
need
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needs
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to be solved. People who decide to make a living or study abroad tend to expect more knowledge and larger relations to be claimed. As individuals meet new people in the other environment, it leads them to adapt and gain different perspectives that could be useful. In
additional
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addition
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, developing
countries
usually provide more complete facilities for their citizens.
For example
, Indonesian diasporas study in
Correct article usage
the Netherland
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Netherland
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Netherlands
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due to
a specific laboratory availability that only exists there. Owing to
this
, the students succeeded
to do
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in doing
show examples
the research for their thesis.
As a result
, it generates a generation with
the
Correct article usage
a
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new point of view that
ready
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is ready
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to be applied in the initial
countries
. On the other side, as the students decide not to come back, it will be
such
a burden to the
countries
that
left
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are left
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behind.
The human
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Human
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resource
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resources
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is a critical factor for building a better nation,
thus
, it is essential to ensure
the
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that
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scholars who study abroad go home to the state.
Otherwise
, the country will face
lack
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a lack
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of an adequate human resource in the long term. and making it
stays
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stay
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an
underdeveloping
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underdeveloped
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state.
For instance
, Indonesia
applys
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applies
apply
a rule that if its diasporas do not come back, they will receive a punishment.
As a result
, many scholars from foreign
countries
go home in order to build the nation. In conclusion, by studying abroad, young people expect to foster new insights, and it seems to be that it is kind of a negative movement in terms of human resources lack potential, especially for
underdeveloping
Replace the word
underdeveloped
show examples
countries
.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate further on the points you mention. For instance, include more specific reasons or examples about how studying abroad leads to different perspectives and knowledge.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitional phrases and cohesiveness between your paragraphs so that the essay flows more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the ideas are clearly linked together and do not seem disjointed. Try using more varied linking words and phrases.
language accuracy
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity. For instance, 'taking a job' should be 'take a job' and 'a burden condition' should be 'a burdensome condition'.
task achievement
The essay does address both the causes of the phenomenon and whether it is a positive or negative situation, which completes the task achievement requirement adequately.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, guiding the reader through the essay effectively.
task achievement
There are relevant examples, such as the Indonesian students studying in the Netherlands, that help to support the points made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Interconnected
  • Higher education
  • Prestigious institutions
  • Research facilities
  • Career advancement
  • International experience
  • Resume
  • Cultural exchange
  • Immerse
  • Broaden worldviews
  • Economic factors
  • Unemployment
  • Quality of life
  • Standards of living
  • Healthcare
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