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Band 4.5

In the future, nobody wiil buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#future #nobody #wiil #newspapers #books
A lot of millennials believe that printed
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
 of media and
books
 will be completely replaced by the digital world since nobody will buy
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I partially agree with the statement
as
Change preposition
that
show examples
books
 can be preserved for years
while
 digital media can become inaccessible at any time. I will shed some light on both views and put forward my opinion on
this
 matter.
To begin
 with,
due to
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
 in technology and easy access people prefer to read in digital mode.
According to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent survey, college students are inclined towards online
books
 as they come
handy
Change preposition
in handy
show examples
 and can be accessed anytime.
Therefore
,
sale
Correct article usage
the sale
show examples
 of physical
books
 has dropped dramatically, as readers believe they have more flexibility in organising content on the gadget rather than carrying
books
 in hand.
Moreover
, an individual can carry numerous
books
 in the gadget
while
 on the go
instead
 of choosing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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one. Explaining
further
, another school of thought belongs to developing countries where
illiteracy
Add an article
the illiteracy
show examples
 rate is high. There are several reasons that
books
 can never be replaced in these areas.
Firstly
,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 are not comfortable with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital devices.
Secondly
, people from deprived societies cannot afford digital gadgets but they can learn from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
books
 which can easily be circulated through various sources.
Lastly
 and importantly,
books
 can be retained for years
however
, data can become corrupt and lost at any given time. In conclusion, I would argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
books
 can never be fully replaced by the technology as major population of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economically disadvantaged society relies on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
books
,
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of resources, even though technology has made content accessible to
other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by jyotikhera2712 on

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the counterarguments more explicitly in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples or data to support your points, which would make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical transitions between paragraphs. This will help in making your argument more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and presents the main argument effectively, setting the stage for the rest of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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