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Band 5

In some city’s, there are few controls over the design and construction of new homes and office building so people can build whatever they like. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#city’s #controls #design #construction #homes #office #people
In some cities, the minimum controls regarding the
construction
 and design of houses and buildings
are giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 the freedom for people to build as they desire. As much as it
satifies
Correct your spelling
satisfies
 us to be able to have our dream buildings to be constructed, I argue that it has the possibility of ruining the natural parts of the
city
 which might
causes
Change the verb form
cause
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 a potential danger in the future. Having the ability to choose where and what to construct
a new buildings
Correct the article-noun agreement
new buildings
a new building
show examples
 in a
city
 is beneficial for those who dream of owning
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
accommodation
 in the middle of the town. They have full control of deciding where to construct the building, without thinking of the potential threat it may
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 in the future. Cities nowadays are full of skyscrapers. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 little to no unoccupied land which makes it hard to construct a new building. If there is one, it is probably located near
river
Correct article usage
a river
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that is
 still flowing in the midst of a busy
city
. If someone who has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full control of
construction
 decides to build near
this
 area, it will affect the environment there.
For example
, a
construction
 project was made just next to a river in Medan. The mall and apartment complex
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 built with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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poor
construction
 planning which led to the river overflowing and
flood
Wrong verb form
flooding
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 the next couple
months
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of months
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.
As a consequence
, the
city
center
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centre
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Medan is now consistently drowned in water whenever it rains heavily. In conclusion, the freedom to construct and design everything as people desire brings
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
satisfaction to only some parties. With bad
constuction
Correct your spelling
construction
 planning and executions, it will put a vast majority of people
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
sufferings
Replace the word
suffer
show examples
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of it.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages, but the discussion could be more balanced. Consider elaborating more on the advantages and giving more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that it transitions smoothly to the next. This will help improve overall cohesion and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your stance in the introduction. While you state that you argue against the freedom to build as desired, your argument can be more explicitly stated and reiterated in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well.
task achievement
The example about the construction project in Medan effectively illustrates a disadvantage of building without regulations.
task achievement
You offer a valid discussion on the potential harm to the environment and city infrastructure with a clear example.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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