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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some companies encourage workers to be competitive, while others encourage teamwork. discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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In today’s corporate world,
companies
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 adopt different approaches to enhance productivity. Some organizations foster
competition
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 among
employees
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, believing it drives motivation and efficiency,
while
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 others emphasize
teamwork
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 to promote collaboration and collective success.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my opinion. Many
companies
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 believe that a competitive
work
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 environment pushes
employees
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 to perform at their best. When individuals compete for promotions, bonuses, or recognition, they are likely to
work
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 harder and improve their skills.
For example
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, in sales-driven industries,
employees
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 who reach the highest targets often receive financial rewards or career advancements, which motivates them to put in extra effort.
Additionally
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,
competition
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 can spark innovation, as workers strive to outperform one another by coming up with creative solutions.
However
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, excessive
competition
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 may create a toxic
work
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 environment, leading to stress, conflicts, and a lack of cooperation among
employees
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.
On the other hand
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, some
companies
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 prioritize
teamwork
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, believing that collaboration leads to long-term success. When
employees
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work
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 together, they can share ideas, solve problems efficiently, and create a positive
workplace
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 culture.
For instance
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, in industries
such
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 as healthcare or software development,
teamwork
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 is essential because different professionals need to coordinate their efforts to achieve the best results.
Furthermore
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,
teamwork
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 reduces
workplace
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 stress, as
employees
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 support each other rather than constantly competing.
However
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, one potential drawback of
teamwork
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 is that some
employees
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 might rely too much on others, leading to unequal workload distribution.
While
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 both
competition
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 and
teamwork
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 have their advantages, I believe a balanced approach is the most effective. Healthy
competition
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 can motivate
employees
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 to strive for excellence, but it should not undermine
teamwork
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 and
workplace
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 harmony.
Companies
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 should foster a collaborative culture
while
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also
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 recognizing individual achievements to ensure a productive and supportive
work
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 environment. In conclusion,
competition
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 can drive motivation and innovation,
while
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teamwork
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 fosters collaboration and efficiency. A combination of both strategies is ideal, as it allows businesses to maximize employee potential
while
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 maintaining a positive
workplace
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 atmosphere.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on only one main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples related to teamwork and competition to enhance the depth of your arguments.
structure
The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion effectively.
content
The analysis of both sides is balanced and presents clear reasoning behind each approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Competitive environment
  • Personal goals
  • Productivity
  • Innovation
  • Toxic workplace culture
  • Collaboration
  • Creative solutions
  • Morale
  • Job satisfaction
  • Retention rates
  • Decision-making processes
  • Accountability
  • Balanced approach
  • Integrating
  • Striving for personal achievement
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