IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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It is often said that the government should spend some budget for the development of the country on the railways more than
roads
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because train tracks
has
Change the verb form
have
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 more benefits
services
Correct word choice
and services
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 for
large scale
Add a hyphen
large-scale
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populations.
To begin
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 with, let's take a look at the factor why railways have more benefits than
roads
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. Nowadays, several
people
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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personal cars and these reasons have an impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
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.
Due to
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 the fact that cars or even the process of building
roads
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causes
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cause
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 a lot of pollution
moreover
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, it has many affected
people
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 in that area if some area where
roads
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 are being built. Meanwhile, instituting the railway has advantages
than
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apply
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in the reasons of sustainability and lifetime that more valuable than.
In addition
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, railways are generally more sustainable and have a lower environmental footprint compared to
roads
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. As they can move great quantities of population and goods more efficiently.
Furthermore
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, it less pollution in view of the fact that the trend of eco-friendly is awareness in society today if governments can do
this
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 project they can have advertising with
this
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 trend as well. Other than that, it can be a soft power that makes income for the
the
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apply
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country.
For example
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, in
Japan
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Japan,
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 a lot of tourists go to Japan because of the trains that have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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cartoon
character
Fix the agreement mistake
characters such
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 as Hello
kitty
Capitalize word
Kitty
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, Doraemon and Picacho
the
Correct article usage
a
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 famous character from Japan. So when
trouist
Correct your spelling
tourist
tourists
 come to see
this
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 train with their own eyes and post it on any social it can be
the
Correct article usage
an
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 advertisement without any
paid
Replace the word
pay
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 and have several
people
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 interested
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
To sum up
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, train tracks have many advantages because it is more efficient in use and environmentally friendly than building
roads
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 that cause problems affecting
people
Use synonyms
 rather than creating benefits and can promote the country
in
Change preposition
at
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 the same time.

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases. For instance, instead of repeating 'more benefits,' you can use synonyms or rephrase for variety.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there are no grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Consider having someone proofread your essay or use a grammar checking tool for better accuracy.
task achievement
Provide more robust support for each argument. Make sure each point is elaborated upon with strong examples or explanations to add depth to your arguments. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Use more topic-specific vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Mix in both academic and casual expressions to diversify your language use.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the writer's viewpoint and succinctly sets the stage for the arguments that follow.
supported main points
The essay provides specific, relevant examples that effectively support the main points, such as the example of Japan's themed trains drawing tourism.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
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