IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Music has always been and continues to be the universal language of mankind. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#music #language #mankind
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Throughout the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, many
people
Use synonyms
 have
discribed
Correct your spelling
described
music
Use synonyms
 as the lingua franca of all human beings. Being simple and artistic, cultures are often shared by
people
Use synonyms
 across the
world
Use synonyms
 by
music
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a manner more effective than other mediums of culture.
This
Linking Words
 paper aims to assess different views and facts regarding
this
Linking Words
 topic, with personal insights provided.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the spread of
music
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 always been simple and economic.
Since
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the past,
people
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
have been able to
show examples
 sing
Use synonyms
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
 rhythms and generate beats with their
mouth
Fix the agreement mistake
mouths
show examples
,
tounge
Correct your spelling
tongue
 and hands, which
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be spread effectively as the
music
Use synonyms
 passes on. Translated
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 more than 200 languages, "Happy Birthday" was a song well
sang
Change the form of the verb
sung
show examples
 by
people
Use synonyms
 across the
world
Use synonyms
 to celebrate their birthdays
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a scale I am convinced by the ability of
music
Use synonyms
in connecting
Change preposition
to connect
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from all places.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 events have always and continuously been participated by
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a scale larger than other cultural components. As an American pop
music
Use synonyms
 producer, Taylor Swift was a singer not just famous within her home country, but
also
Linking Words
 across the
world
Use synonyms
. In 2024, the pop star organised a
world
Use synonyms
 tour attracting fans globally to attend her concerts, generating
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 income
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 herself and
Correct article usage
the demestic
show examples
demestic
Correct your spelling
domestic
 service industries
associated
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. With
such
Linking Words
 a significance being brought by just one individual, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
music
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 once again been able to prove its importance to all
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 is a powerful tool carrying human culture, there are many
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 mediums
such
Linking Words
 as sports and
breverages
Correct your spelling
beverages
 that are appreciated by
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds.
However
Linking Words
, global
prevalance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these cultural items
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 often
subect
Correct your spelling
subject
 to aspects like climate, environment and
people
Use synonyms
's wealth
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I am uncertain
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their ability
in being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 "universal" and overcoming time and space as
music
Use synonyms
 has showcased. All in all, with its flexibility and potential
Use synonyms
music
Add the comma(s)
music,
show examples
 is a kind of cultural aspect well shared by
people
Use synonyms
 globally from the past to modern
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. With globalisation and advancement in information technologies,
music
Use synonyms
 as a common language will only rock the
world
Use synonyms
 sustainably and increasingly.
Submitted by 788seal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your introduction clearly lays out the topic and the aim of the essay, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your stance (agree or disagree) on the statement. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical mistakes and spelling errors ('described', 'tongue', 'believe', 'domestic', 'prevalence'). While they do not drastically affect the message, they can impact the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples a bit more. Your example of Taylor Swift is well-chosen but could include additional details about why her music transcends cultural barriers specifically, enhancing the argument about music as a universal language.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. The conclusion wraps up the essay nicely by summarizing your points and providing a forward-looking statement.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, such as the widespread singing of 'Happy Birthday' and Taylor Swift's global influence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: