Music has always been and continues to be the universal language of mankind. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Throughout the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, many
people
have
discribed
Correct your spelling
described
music
as the lingua franca of all human beings. Being simple and artistic, cultures are often shared by
people
across the
world
by
music
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
a manner more effective than other mediums of culture.
This
paper aims to assess different views and facts regarding
this
topic, with personal insights provided.
Firstly
, the spread of
music
have
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has
show examples
always been simple and economic.
Since
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In
show examples
the past,
people
can
Verb problem
have been able to
show examples
sing
music
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musical
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rhythms and generate beats with their
mouth
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mouths
show examples
,
tounge
Correct your spelling
tongue
and hands, which
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
be spread effectively as the
music
passes on. Translated
to
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into
show examples
more than 200 languages, "Happy Birthday" was a song well
sang
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sung
show examples
by
people
across the
world
to celebrate their birthdays
in
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on
show examples
a scale I am convinced by the ability of
music
in connecting
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to connect
show examples
people
from all places.
Secondly
,
music
events have always and continuously been participated by
people
in
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on
show examples
a scale larger than other cultural components. As an American pop
music
producer, Taylor Swift was a singer not just famous within her home country, but
also
across the
world
. In 2024, the pop star organised a
world
tour attracting fans globally to attend her concerts, generating
numerous
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large
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income
to
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for
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herself and
Correct article usage
the demestic
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demestic
Correct your spelling
domestic
service industries
associated
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apply
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. With
such
a significance being brought by just one individual, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
music
have
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has
show examples
once again been able to prove its importance to all
people
.
Although
music
is a powerful tool carrying human culture, there are many
culture
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cultural
show examples
mediums
such
as sports and
breverages
Correct your spelling
beverages
that are appreciated by
people
from different backgrounds.
However
, global
prevalance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
in
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of
show examples
these cultural items
are
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is
show examples
often
subect
Correct your spelling
subject
to aspects like climate, environment and
people
's wealth
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I am uncertain
with
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about
show examples
their ability
in being
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to be
show examples
"universal" and overcoming time and space as
music
has showcased. All in all, with its flexibility and potential
music
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music,
show examples
is a kind of cultural aspect well shared by
people
globally from the past to modern
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. With globalisation and advancement in information technologies,
music
as a common language will only rock the
world
sustainably and increasingly.
Submitted by 788seal on

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly lays out the topic and the aim of the essay, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your stance (agree or disagree) on the statement. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical mistakes and spelling errors ('described', 'tongue', 'believe', 'domestic', 'prevalence'). While they do not drastically affect the message, they can impact the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples a bit more. Your example of Taylor Swift is well-chosen but could include additional details about why her music transcends cultural barriers specifically, enhancing the argument about music as a universal language.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. The conclusion wraps up the essay nicely by summarizing your points and providing a forward-looking statement.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, such as the widespread singing of 'Happy Birthday' and Taylor Swift's global influence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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