Music has always been and continues to be the universal language of mankind. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Throughout the
times
, many Fix the agreement mistake
time
people
have discribed
Correct your spelling
described
music
as the lingua franca of all human beings. Being simple and artistic, cultures are often shared by people
across the world
by music
by
a manner more effective than other mediums of culture. Change preposition
in
This
paper aims to assess different views and facts regarding this
topic, with personal insights provided.
Firstly
, the spread of music
have
always been simple and economic. Change the verb form
has
Since
the past, Change preposition
In
people
can
sing Verb problem
have been able to
music
rhythms and generate beats with their Replace the word
musical
mouth
, Fix the agreement mistake
mouths
tounge
and hands, which Correct your spelling
tongue
can
be spread effectively as the Wrong verb form
could
music
passes on. Translated to
more than 200 languages, "Happy Birthday" was a song well Change preposition
into
sang
by Change the form of the verb
sung
people
across the world
to celebrate their birthdays in
a scale I am convinced by the ability of Change preposition
on
music
in connecting
Change preposition
to connect
people
from all places.
Secondly
, music
events have always and continuously been participated by people
in
a scale larger than other cultural components. As an American pop Change preposition
on
music
producer, Taylor Swift was a singer not just famous within her home country, but also
across the world
. In 2024, the pop star organised a world
tour attracting fans globally to attend her concerts, generating numerous
income Correct word choice
large
to
herself and Change preposition
for
Correct article usage
the demestic
demestic
service industriesCorrect your spelling
domestic
associated
. With Verb problem
apply
such
a significance being brought by just one individual, I belive
Correct your spelling
believe
music
have
once again been able to prove its importance to all Correct subject-verb agreement
has
people
.
Although
music
is a powerful tool carrying human culture, there are many culture
mediums Replace the word
cultural
such
as sports and breverages
that are appreciated by Correct your spelling
beverages
people
from different backgrounds. However
, global prevalance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
in
these cultural items Change preposition
of
are
often Correct subject-verb agreement
is
subect
to aspects like climate, environment and Correct your spelling
subject
people
's wealth that
I am uncertain Correct pronoun usage
apply
with
their ability Change preposition
about
in being
"universal" and overcoming time and space as Change preposition
to be
music
has showcased.
All in all, with its flexibility and potential music
is a kind of cultural aspect well shared by Add the comma(s)
music,
people
globally from the past to modern time
. With globalisation and advancement in information technologies, Fix the agreement mistake
times
music
as a common language will only rock the world
sustainably and increasingly.Submitted by 788seal on
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task achievement
While your introduction clearly lays out the topic and the aim of the essay, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your stance (agree or disagree) on the statement. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical mistakes and spelling errors ('described', 'tongue', 'believe', 'domestic', 'prevalence'). While they do not drastically affect the message, they can impact the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples a bit more. Your example of Taylor Swift is well-chosen but could include additional details about why her music transcends cultural barriers specifically, enhancing the argument about music as a universal language.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. The conclusion wraps up the essay nicely by summarizing your points and providing a forward-looking statement.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, such as the widespread singing of 'Happy Birthday' and Taylor Swift's global influence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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