Many people believe that STEM education should be prioritized over the arts and humanities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #arts #humanities

Arts

and

humanities

should get less prioritization

due to

numerous individuals considering that STEM

education

—science, technology, engineering, and mathematics— should be a first concern. I generally disagree with

this

notion.

In contrast

, I believe that

arts

and

humanities

should receive attention the same as STEM.

Arts

and

humanities

create a positive impact on our

country

such

as being a final destination for travelling and conceiving a good reputation.

For instance

, the Mona Lisa portrait, which stayed in France received a lot of attention because

this

picture made individuals wonder about her feelings during painting.

In addition

this

can lead to being the final destination for some foreigners, who want to see

this

portrait on-site.

Subsequently

humanities

are relevant to learning about relationships in society

such

as economy and history.

For example

, the economy creates a piece of knowledge on how to organize the economy

country

and how to improve the

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

show examples

of individuals in the

country

Furthermore

, history teaches about the past like what we used to be.

On the other hand

, some people consider that STEM

education

should be a first priority. A group of people consider that people, in STEM

education

, will continue their career in

this

field, which

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to improving the technology industries in their

country

Moreover

, it creates a crucial reputation for the

country

as well because if they invent something that never

happen

Wrong verb form

happened

show examples

before, it will bring a reputation for that nation.

Consequently

, nowadays, many nations are likely to prioritize

Change preposition

apply

show examples

STEM

education

more than others. In light of the above, it can be concluded that

arts

and

humanities

have an advantage

as well as

STEM

education

, but it has benefits on different terms. The government should prioritize equally in these fields.

Submitted by Tiger23 on Sun Sep 29 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both STEM education and the arts/humanities, but could benefit from deeper analysis and more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Consider expanding on how each field contributes to society beyond the examples you've given.

coherence cohesion

While your essay generally flows well, the transitions between points could be smoother. Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to the main thesis. Using more linking words and phrases will improve the overall coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay's introduction and conclusion are both strong, but ensure the conclusion summarizes the main points more explicitly to reinforce your argument. This helps in providing a clear and memorable ending to your essay.

task achievement

You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a comprehensive approach to the prompt.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with defined paragraphs, aiding readability and logical flow.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion effectively provide a clear statement of your position, which helps frame the essay well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that STEM education should be prioritized over the arts and humanities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

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