Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternatives medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

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These days, many individuals with
health
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issues choose to go to
another
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other
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treatments and medicines
instead
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of to
hospital
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the hospital
a hospital
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.
This
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essay believes that these activities will have negative impacts
such
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as resulting
to
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in
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another or even more
health
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problems and may lead to
an
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apply
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unnecesarry
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unnecessary
expenses.
To begin
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with, trying new ways to get healed
instead
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of going to the doctor, may
results
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result
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to
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in
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a
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apply
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more serious
health
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problems. The reason behind
this
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is because the places that they pay for
an
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apply
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alternative treatments or medicines are likely not
creditable
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credible
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and fake.
This
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means that these practices are not conducted by professionals with real degrees.
In addition
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, when they
claimed
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claim
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to heal the patient, there is a possibility that these people do not have the knowledge
that is
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required to give
right
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the right
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treatment.
For instance
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, there have been numerous cases that patients who went to any medical and treatment places with vague credibility
instead
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of the hospital
came
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and came
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back with more illnesses. Regarding the first point that
this
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essay mentions, it has a connection to the second point, which is
unnecesarry
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
expenses. When patients try different alternatives, it is predictable that what they are doing is just a waste of money.
This
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is because most of the places that offer them a service will
charged
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charge
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an expensive fine.
For example
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, there are a lot of fake doctors
in
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on
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social media with higher
price
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prices
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compares
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compared
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to actual doctors in
hospital
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hospitals
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. In conclusion, people who
felt
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feel
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sick should not go to any other rehabilitation
besides
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hospital.
This
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is because they will only waste their money
to
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on
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people who act like doctors and
most
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are most
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likely to come back home with more
health
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issues.
Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on

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clarity
Consider rephrasing sentences to clarify your points and make your ideas more precise. For example, instead of 'many individuals with health issues choose to go to another treatments and medicines,' you might say 'many individuals with health issues are opting for alternative treatments and medicines.'
language
Check for language errors and ensure grammatical accuracy. For instance, 'results to' should be 'results in,' and 'unecesarry' should be 'unnecessary.'
content
Incorporate more specific details and examples to provide concrete evidence for your claims. For instance, add data or well-known scenarios where alternative treatments have led to significant issues.
structure
The introduction clearly states the essay's main argument and outlines the structure of the discussion.
coherence
The essay logically addresses two main points, maintaining a clear focus throughout.
closure
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear final statement on the writer's position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicine
  • conventional treatments
  • herbal remedies
  • acupuncture
  • homeopathy
  • natural remedies
  • traditional healthcare systems
  • scientific evidence
  • regulation
  • anecdotal success stories
  • placebo effect
  • cultural background
  • social trends
  • psychological factors
  • personal beliefs
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