IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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It is argued that
music
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 is a nice method for bringing individuals of different cultural backgrounds and ages together. I strongly agree with the idea because
tunes
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 are timeless and are able to prompt
people
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 to learn about other cultures.
While
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 certain
music
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 is made in a specific era,
music
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 can be enjoyed by a
lot
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 of
people
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 regardless of their ages. With the advancement of recording technology, most modern
music
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 is able to be listened
by
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to by
show examples
 anyone. Even though everyone has their own taste in
music
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, some
music
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 can be enjoyed by both young and old
people
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.
For example
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, classical
music
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 has a
lot
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 of listeners across age groups.
Therefore
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, it is common to see a classical
music
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 concert attended by young generations and elderly
people
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.
Furthermore
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, listening to
tunes
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 is beneficial for introducing a
culture
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. The development of the internet allows many
people
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 from different cultures to share their
tunes
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 online. Because each
culture
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 has its own
tunes
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, a
lot
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 of
people
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 are trying to listen to
tunes
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 from other cultures and learn them.
For instance
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, the boom of K-pop
music
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 and artists,
such
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 as BTS and Blackpink makes a
lot
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 of
people
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 from all over the world learn about Korean
culture
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 and language.
Thus
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,
tunes
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 can be seen as a medium for cultural exchange.
To conclude
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, I strongly agree with the idea that
music
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 can be seen as a fine way
for bringing
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to bring
show examples
people
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 of different cultural identities and age groups together because
music
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 is enjoyed by
people
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 of all ages and can be beneficial for introducing a
culture
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 to the world.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

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task achievement
Your ideas are generally well-supported with examples, but there are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Focus on improving the fluency and accuracy of your sentences.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more varied sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your main points.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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