IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter •remind him when and where you met •tell him what kind of job you are interested in •say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job #•remind #•tell #•say
Dear Mr Brown, I hope you doing well. I am writing a letter to you to remind me who is Eric. I am still studying and trying to advance my knowledge of
management
. If you remember, we met on a flight which was from London to Sydney
last
 Wednesday.
This
 was a pleasure to talk with you about your businesses and restaurants during the flight. I am deeply interested in a role of
management
 position. I am going to send you my resume and cover letter as soon as possible. As I mentioned before, I have really good experience in
management
 because I started the experience when I was studying at college.
This
 was an internship at Coles and my role was assistant manager of the branch in Paramatta. After I graduated in 2021, I have been working at Woolworths in the Town Hall branch as a senior manager. Those are the reasons why I thought I
am
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 suitable for
management
Correct article usage
the management
show examples
 role at your restaurant. I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, Eric
Submitted by enkhbat0923 on

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Greeting and Closing
Try to use a formal salutation (e.g., 'Dear Mr. Brown') and ensure the closing line matches the tone of the letter (e.g., 'Yours sincerely').
Introduction Clarity
Ensure the introduction briefly sets the context for the reader, reminding them of your meeting without ambiguity.
Detail and Clarity
When discussing your interest and suitability for the job, provide clearer examples of your skills and achievements to strengthen your case.
Grammar and Accuracy
Check for small grammatical errors and typos to maintain a professional tone throughout the letter.
Task Completion
You successfully reminded the businessman of your previous meeting and expressed interest in a specific job.
Structure and Flow
You logically organised your letter, which helped in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
Enthusiasm and Confidence
Your enthusiasm for the job and confidence in your suitability came through clearly, demonstrating good task engagement.
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