A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Diversity is a key factor for
sustainability
of the ecosystem. It is debated by some individuals that nations in which Add an article
the sustainability
people
are of diverse ethnicity and regions ard more happening and have boosting economy
. Upcoming writing will shed light on some points in Add an article
the economy
favor
of Change the spelling
favour
this
argument.
Firstly
, when people
of different ethnicity and citizenship lives
together, Correct subject-verb agreement
live
then
different festivals will be celebrated in the country and various type
of cuisines will be popular, Fix the agreement mistake
types
this
will make the place more
Correct article usage
a more
enhaging
place to live. Needless to emphasize, if different Correct your spelling
engaging
sort
of Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
people
live together than
they will learn about different festivals and Replace the word
then
huge
variety Correct article usage
a huge
in
food will Change preposition
of
also
be available. For example
, In canada
one can enjoy various festival celebrations and Change the capitalization
Canada
vast
variety of Add an article
a vast
the vast
the
options are Correct article usage
apply
avaliable
which keeps Correct your spelling
available
people
engaged. Hence
, having a neighbourhood with people
of different belive
makes it more interesting.
Correct your spelling
beliefs
Secondly
, when dwellers of the unique from each works
in Change the verb form
work
same
workplace, Change the article
the same
then
productivity increase
. As everyone will have unique qualities Fix the agreement mistake
increases
so
everyone will be specialized in their specific role, which will make Correct word choice
apply
team work
more Correct your spelling
teamwork
productivity
. Replace the word
productive
For example
, in USA
Correct article usage
the USA
in
Google Change preposition
apply
company have
workers of different citizenship and Wrong verb form
has
believes
, it is seen that Replace the word
beliefs
company
brings profit Correct article usage
the company
for
the country Change preposition
to
becsuse
of its diverse working environment. Correct your spelling
because
Therefore
, individuals of different backgound
can make a Correct your spelling
backgrounds
background
profuctive
team.
Correct your spelling
productive
According to
me
every nation should Add a comma
me,
appriciate
the uniqueness of its citizens.
Considering all the points above, Correct your spelling
appreciate
masses
stay engaged by celebrating various festivals and enjoying different food. Correct article usage
the masses
Moreover
, multi ethnicity
creates Add a hyphen
multi-ethnicity
high-yielding
working place.Correct article usage
a high-yielding
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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth. This will help create a more logical and structured argument.
task achievement
Your task achievement can be enhanced by more clearly defining your main points and ensuring they directly address the topic. For example, elaborate more on how cultural diversity can lead to quicker development and provide specific examples or data to support your points.
task achievement
To convey your ideas more comprehensively, consider breaking down complex concepts into simpler parts and linking them clearly to the main argument. This way, the reader can easily follow and understand your ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and have provided a structured response to the question.
supported main points
You used relevant examples, such as Canada and Google in the USA, to support your arguments, which adds credibility to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and restates your position on the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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