A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Diversity is a key factor for
sustainability
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the sustainability
show examples
of the ecosystem. It is debated by some individuals that nations in which
people
are of diverse ethnicity and regions ard more happening and have boosting
economy
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the economy
show examples
. Upcoming writing will shed light on some points in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of
this
argument.
Firstly
, when
people
of different ethnicity and citizenship
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
together,
then
different festivals will be celebrated in the country and various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
of cuisines will be popular,
this
will make the place
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
enhaging
Correct your spelling
engaging
place to live. Needless to emphasize, if different
sort
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sorts
show examples
of
people
live together
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
they will learn about different festivals and
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
variety
in
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of
show examples
food will
also
be available.
For example
, In
canada
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Canada
show examples
one can enjoy various festival celebrations and
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
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variety of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
options are
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available
which keeps
people
engaged.
Hence
, having a neighbourhood with
people
of different
belive
Correct your spelling
beliefs
show examples
makes it more interesting.
Secondly
, when dwellers of the unique from each
works
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work
show examples
in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
workplace,
then
productivity
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
. As everyone will have unique qualities
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
everyone will be specialized in their specific role, which will make
team work
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teamwork
show examples
more
productivity
Replace the word
productive
show examples
.
For example
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Google
company have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
workers of different citizenship and
believes
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beliefs
show examples
, it is seen that
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
brings profit
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the country
becsuse
Correct your spelling
because
of its diverse working environment.
Therefore
, individuals of different
backgound
Correct your spelling
backgrounds
background
can make a
profuctive
Correct your spelling
productive
team.
According to
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
every nation should
appriciate
Correct your spelling
appreciate
the uniqueness of its citizens. Considering all the points above,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
stay engaged by celebrating various festivals and enjoying different food.
Moreover
,
multi ethnicity
Add a hyphen
multi-ethnicity
show examples
creates
high-yielding
Correct article usage
a high-yielding
show examples
working place.
Submitted by simrantiwana1086 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth. This will help create a more logical and structured argument.
task achievement
Your task achievement can be enhanced by more clearly defining your main points and ensuring they directly address the topic. For example, elaborate more on how cultural diversity can lead to quicker development and provide specific examples or data to support your points.
task achievement
To convey your ideas more comprehensively, consider breaking down complex concepts into simpler parts and linking them clearly to the main argument. This way, the reader can easily follow and understand your ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and have provided a structured response to the question.
supported main points
You used relevant examples, such as Canada and Google in the USA, to support your arguments, which adds credibility to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and restates your position on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Melting pot
  • Multicultural
  • Integration
  • Harmony
  • Cultural mosaic
  • Economic prosperity
  • Cross-cultural
  • Cultural exchange
  • Innovative thinking
  • Globalized
  • Community support
  • Social cohesion
  • Cultural diversity
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Discrimination
  • Cultural landscape
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Tourism appeal
  • Educational experience
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