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Band 5

Many feel that common educational system of teachers and students ina a classroom will be replaced by the year 2050 do you agree with this view give your opinion?

#system #teachers #students #ina #classroom #year
Many people believe that
class based
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class-based
show examples
 educational learning will be replaced by modern methodology by 2050.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 statement and give reasons as to why
class based
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class-based
show examples
 learning could be replaced by
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 methods of learning in upcoming years.
To begin
 with,in
this
 era of new technology in many educational institutions
students
 are being taught via means of computer as professors deliver their lectures online
as well as
students
 have been given online assignments to submit at a particular time.
Apart from
this
 many concepts which we were just taught
decade
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a decade
show examples
ago
Add a comma
ago,
show examples
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
also
 envisioned.
For instance
, if I talk about cell signalling
pathway
Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
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 which we made to memorize and concieve in the past would now become possible through animations
therefore
enable
Wrong verb form
enabling
show examples
 us to comprehend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
complex concepts in a better way.
On the other hand
,
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
 learning has its own benefits as it allows us
Add the particle
to face
show examples
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 interaction between
students
 and teachers,collaboration with other peers on various subjects and understanding the
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
body
Add an article
the body
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 language of
students
 and
non verbal
Correct your spelling
nonverbal
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 cues
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
are only possible in
classroom based
Add a hyphen
classroom-based
show examples
 learning.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 nowadays trend I changing as people are more inquisitive about modern methods of learning and feel more comfortable
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 home environment
interms
Correct your spelling
in terms
 of privacy and better understanding. In conclusion,many people prefer
computer based
Add a hyphen
computer-based
show examples
 learning as it is less
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and we are able to gain plenty of knowledge in one click so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there is no need to go to libraries.
In addition
 to
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 it provides us with up-to-date knowledge and it is
also
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
 as we don't need to buy
bundle
Add an article
a bundle
show examples
 of books to get our assignments done.
Submitted by saraamdc2018 on

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and states the topic and your intention to discuss the reasons effectively. However, it could be improved by clearly stating your main stance upfront, whether you agree or disagree explicitly.
task achievement
Each paragraph starts with a main point, which is excellent. However, some ideas could be developed further, providing more in-depth reasoning or examples. This would strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While the transitions between paragraphs are mostly smooth, some sentences within paragraphs could connect better to improve overall cohesion. For example, using linking words and expressions can make the flow of ideas more seamless.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good. To enhance your conclusion, you might summarize your main arguments more explicitly and restate your stance clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for your argument.
task achievement
The use of examples, like the cell signaling pathway, helps to illustrate your points effectively and makes the essay more engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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