•Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

In our ,
life
more and more
people
choose
cities
to live in, because there are a
lot
of different opportunities to do a graduation degree, earn money, have a beautiful
life
and travel a
lot
. I suppose that our
life
in big
cities
is always connected with a high level of
stress
, depression, anxiety etc. So why is it
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
?
Firstly
, working at big companies
people
have a
lot
of responsibilities, they should be always
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
highly competitive
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a
lot
of another candidate, who wants to get
this
position.
In other words
,
stress
from work has a crucial influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
our mental health.
Secondly
, a large number of
cities
have a considerable level of different noises, including cars, music and other loud sounds in
cities
.
Conseqently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, a permanent noise is able to result in problems with psychological
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Thus
, it is getting hard to enjoy our
life
in these places. So, what should
do
Correct article usage
the do
show examples
government to reduce these issues? At
first,
I
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
that creating more parks,
places
Correct word choice
and places
show examples
with relaxing
atmosphere
Fix the agreement mistake
atmospheres
show examples
is essential for
people
's mental health, because
people
have an opportunity to be calm,
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
nature sounds and relax.
However
,
an employees
Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
show examples
should have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free time to visit these places, so comfortable working conditions are essential for every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
.
In other words
, if a person has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure time to relax and distress from work, he has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
less
stress
in his
life
.
To conclude
, I want to say that sometimes living in a big city is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
your mental health
due to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress
.
However
, having a smart approach
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
reducing
this
factor could result in
Correct article usage
the plesure
show examples
plesure
Correct your spelling
pleasure
of your
life
in a city.
Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically from one to another. Use transition words to help guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Make sure to fully answer both parts of the question. This means not only identifying why life is becoming difficult in cities but also providing thorough suggestions on what the government can do to improve it. Elaborate more on the solutions.
task response
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more convincing and concrete.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion, which helps readers understand the scope and the closure of your essay.
task response
Your essay addresses both parts of the question, identifying problems and suggesting solutions.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: