IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

•Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

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In our ,
life
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 more and more
people
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 choose
cities
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 to live in, because there are a
lot
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 of different opportunities to do a graduation degree, earn money, have a beautiful
life
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 and travel a
lot
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. I suppose that our
life
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 in big
cities
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 is always connected with a high level of
stress
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, depression, anxiety etc. So why is it
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
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?
Firstly
Linking Words
, working at big companies
people
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 have a
lot
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 of responsibilities, they should be always
a
Correct article usage
apply
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highly competitive
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a
lot
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 of another candidate, who wants to get
this
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 position.
In other words
Linking Words
,
stress
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 from work has a crucial influence
in
Change preposition
on
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 our mental health.
Secondly
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, a large number of
cities
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 have a considerable level of different noises, including cars, music and other loud sounds in
cities
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.
Conseqently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, a permanent noise is able to result in problems with psychological
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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.
Thus
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, it is getting hard to enjoy our
life
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 in these places. So, what should
do
Correct article usage
the do
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 government to reduce these issues? At
first,
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I
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
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 that creating more parks,
places
Correct word choice
and places
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 with relaxing
atmosphere
Fix the agreement mistake
atmospheres
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 is essential for
people
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's mental health, because
people
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 have an opportunity to be calm,
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
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 nature sounds and relax.
However
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,
an employees
Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
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 should have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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free time to visit these places, so comfortable working conditions are essential for every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, if a person has
a
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure time to relax and distress from work, he has
a
Remove the article
apply
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less
stress
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 in his
life
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.
To conclude
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, I want to say that sometimes living in a big city is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 your mental health
due to
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a
Remove the article
apply
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stress
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.
However
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, having a smart approach
for
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to
show examples
 reducing
this
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 factor could result in
Correct article usage
the plesure
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plesure
Correct your spelling
pleasure
 of your
life
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 in a city.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically from one to another. Use transition words to help guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Make sure to fully answer both parts of the question. This means not only identifying why life is becoming difficult in cities but also providing thorough suggestions on what the government can do to improve it. Elaborate more on the solutions.
task response
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more convincing and concrete.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion, which helps readers understand the scope and the closure of your essay.
task response
Your essay addresses both parts of the question, identifying problems and suggesting solutions.
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