•Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?
In our ,
life
more and more people
choose cities
to live in, because there are a lot
of different opportunities to do a graduation degree, earn money, have a beautiful life
and travel a lot
. I suppose that our life
in big cities
is always connected with a high level of stress
, depression, anxiety etc. So why is it happened
?
Wrong verb form
happening
Firstly
, working at big companies people
have a lot
of responsibilities, they should be always a
highly competitive Correct article usage
apply
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
,
because there Remove the comma
apply
are
a Change the verb form
is
lot
of another candidate, who wants to get this
position. In other words
, stress
from work has a crucial influence in
our mental health. Change preposition
on
Secondly
, a large number of cities
have a considerable level of different noises, including cars, music and other loud sounds in cities
. Conseqently
, a permanent noise is able to result in problems with psychological Correct your spelling
Consequently
condition
. Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
Thus
, it is getting hard to enjoy our life
in these places.
So, what should do
government to reduce these issues? At Correct article usage
the do
first,
I believe
that creating more parks, Wrong verb form
believed
places
with relaxing Correct word choice
and places
atmosphere
is essential for Fix the agreement mistake
atmospheres
people
's mental health, because people
have an opportunity to be calm, listen
nature sounds and relax. Add the preposition
listen to
However
, an employees
should have Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
a
free time to visit these places, so comfortable working conditions are essential for every Correct article usage
apply
individuals
. Change to a singular noun
individual
In other words
, if a person has a
leisure time to relax and distress from work, he has Correct article usage
apply
a
less Remove the article
apply
stress
in his life
.
To conclude
, I want to say that sometimes living in a big city is harmful for
your mental health Change the preposition
to
due to
a
Remove the article
apply
stress
. However
, having a smart approach for
reducing Change preposition
to
this
factor could result in Correct article usage
the plesure
plesure
of your Correct your spelling
pleasure
life
in a city.Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically from one to another. Use transition words to help guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Make sure to fully answer both parts of the question. This means not only identifying why life is becoming difficult in cities but also providing thorough suggestions on what the government can do to improve it. Elaborate more on the solutions.
task response
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more convincing and concrete.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion, which helps readers understand the scope and the closure of your essay.
task response
Your essay addresses both parts of the question, identifying problems and suggesting solutions.