IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

What are the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones?

#cell #phones
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Today is
modern
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the modern
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 age of science. So
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 is
blessing
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the blessing
a blessing
show examples
 of modern science and day by day it is
more thrived
Wrong verb form
thriving
show examples
. Using a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 has many disadvantages, but we
khow
Correct your spelling
know
 it has
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 of
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
. There are several types of
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
are including
Wrong verb form
included
show examples
 with it. One
advantages
Change to a singular noun
advantage
show examples
 is that the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 is a good
Use synonyms
time saver
Correct your spelling
time-saving
show examples
device
Use synonyms
 for online shopping. By using the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 we can save
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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valuable
time
Use synonyms
.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 advantage is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
online
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 and
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
. Almost everywhere students are using mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for online
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 and many employees use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for attending meetings. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, they can save their
time
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 and they can finish their
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 work.
Linking Words
Last
Correct article usage
The last
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 advantage is that
using
Change preposition
by using
show examples
 the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 people can
booking
Wrong verb form
book
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 their flight and train tickets and so on. On the other side, there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 .
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 disadvantage is that the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 is a risky
device
Use synonyms
 for the
children
Use synonyms
. Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
children
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 depend on
this
Linking Words
device
Use synonyms
 and they play games
modt
Correct your spelling
most
 of the
time
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason,
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 eyes can be affected.
In addition
Linking Words
, using the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 can affect
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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 studies. By using the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
's
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 can be
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
.
And today's
Correct word choice
Today's
show examples
 kids do not want to rat without mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
, they
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
depend
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Last
Linking Words
not
Correct word choice
but not
show examples
 least
disadvantage
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
show examples
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 has bad apps which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
dangoures
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 for every person
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 kids. In conclusion,
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 has
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 disadvantages. I strongly believe that it has many advantages and it is
really
Add an article
a really
show examples
 important
device
Use synonyms
 in our daily life.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas to make the essay easier to follow. Try using linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "moreover," and "in addition" to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Pay careful attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy. Small errors such as "khow" instead of "know," and "benifits" instead of "benefits" can be distracting to the reader. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing more can help improve in this area.
task achievement
You presented multiple advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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