IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land become lesson productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land become lesson productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
#land #lesson #three #regions #world
The pie chart gives data about
head
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the
show examples
 reasons
of
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for
show examples
 unproductive agriculture, with
table
Correct article usage
a table
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 chart indicating how these reasons affected
on
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apply
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North America, Europe, and Oceania in
1990s
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the 1990s
show examples
.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 over-grazing and
deforestation
 were the leading causes of
land
 degradation globally, but have varied significantly across different regions. As can be seen from the pie chart, there are four main reasons
of
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for
show examples
 unproductive
land
, including over-grazing at 35%,
deforestation
 at 30%, over-cultivation at 28%, and
other factor
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another factor
other factors
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 at 7%.
However
, these factors do not directly
affected
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affect
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
these three regions. In Europe,
deforestation
 was the leading factor responsible for the total
land
 degradation at 23 per cent with 9%
deforestation
, followed by over-grazing at 7.7 per cent and over-grazing at 5.5%. In Oceania, oppositely, over-grazing
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
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 the most significant part at 11.3 per cent, and
deforestation
 at 1,7% with
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
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 by
over cultivation
Add a hyphen
over-cultivation
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.
Total
Correct article usage
The total
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 grand degraded parts of
South
Correct article usage
the South
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 Pacific island consists
13
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of 13
show examples
%.
Nevertheless
,
Noth
Correct your spelling
North
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 America at 5% total degraded
land
, became more productive than other regions. Over-cultivation had the largest impact at 3.3%, meanwhile over-grazing
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 1,5% and
deforestation
 was less significant at 0.2% of unproductiveness.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words deforestation, land with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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