Some people think people working in creative arts should be financially supported by government. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Funding has always been a concern among creative
artists
in order to sustain their sustainable development, while
many governments
are keen to invest capital in the industry to preserve domestic culture and heritages, some people believed
that capital should be given through other means. Wrong verb form
believe
This
paper aims to assess opinions from both prespective
with personal insights added.
Correct your spelling
perspective
perspectives
Firstly
, many creative artists
are struggling in preventing
their art practices from Change preposition
to prevent
distinction
that Add an article
the distinction
a distinction
governments
should be concerning
. Wrong verb form
concerned
Due to
urbanisation, lack of profit and the decreasing interests
among people from newer generations, there has been a dramatic drop in Fix the agreement mistake
interest
artists
producing traditional mural
in Colombia. Understanding the lack of interest among investors and capitalists, millions of pesos were provided by the Colombian government with projects inviting mural Fix the agreement mistake
murals
artists
to paint on their premises. With this
case, I am convinced that the
governmental support through capital was often the only way Correct article usage
apply
continuously
Fix the infinitive
to continuously
powering
local creative Wrong verb form
power
arts
.
Secondly
, creative arts
are
often Verb problem
apply
functioned
as mediums carrying national identities and integrity, which the responsibility Wrong verb form
function
for
Change preposition
of
governments
in preserving national interests are
Change the verb form
is
inevitible
. Billions of yuans have been invested by the Chinese government to build arenas for Chinese opera performances, Correct your spelling
inevitable
inevitably
as well as
funding were
given to producers to continue their work in making new plays and training new actors. Considering its magnitude, I am certain that only the state power could obtain Change the verb form
was
such
a
buying power to sustain creative art industries in modern days.
Correct article usage
apply
Although
many governemnts
were keen to pour financial support into creative art developments, some people are questioning on these efforts that whether the government should invest more Correct your spelling
governments
on
other aspects essential to the country Change preposition
in
such
as education or technology and let other investors to
take part in supporting Change the verb form
apply
artists
' future developments. However
, conridering
its profitability and the potential amount Correct your spelling
considering
capital
required, I am pessimistic about the ability of creative Change preposition
of capital
artists
in finding
the same amount of financial Change preposition
to find
asistance
from other resources to sustain their passion.
All in all, creative Correct your spelling
assistance
arts
are often components embedded within a country's culture and identities that
Correct word choice
and
artists
must be extensively supported with
Change preposition
by
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
finincial
power Correct your spelling
financial
at
most circumstances. When Change preposition
in
governemnts
are active Correct your spelling
governments
to take
the initiative to preserve creative Change preposition
in taking
arts
, I believe other parties in the society could be attracted with more investments potentially given to artists
' developments.Submitted by 788seal on
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General
Your essay generally addresses both sides of the argument, but there are some minor errors in grammar and phrasing that detract from clarity. For example, 'finincial' should be 'financial' and 'conridering' should be 'considering.' Other minor errors include 'distinction' instead of 'extinction,' and 'inevitible' instead of 'inevitable.' Proofread to eliminate these errors to improve clarity and readability.
Introduction
Your essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to directly highlight your main position. Present a more explicit opinion right from the start to guide your reader through your argument.
Examples
You provide relevant examples to support your points, but ensure they are clearly linked to the argument. Sometimes, the connection between your examples and the points you're making isn't clear. Reinforce the relationship between the examples and your main ideas to solidify your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion is clear but could be strengthened by summarizing the main points you discussed in the body paragraphs. This will make your argument more cohesive and leave a lasting impression.
General
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced understanding of the topic.
Examples
Your examples from Colombia and China add specificity and relevance to your essay, helping to illustrate your points effectively.
General
Your effort to reflect on both perspectives while providing a strong final opinion is commendable and shows critical thinking.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.