IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that main environmental problems of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Recently, some debates about the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 environmental problems have
been risen
Change to the active voice
risen
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. Some believe that the main factor in
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
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 of
Use synonyms
earth
Add an article
the earth
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,
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apply
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 is related to the extinction of some kinds of plants and animals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that the negative
changes
Use synonyms
 in our habitat have serious reasons, which both viewpoints will be discussed below. To commence with, based on a notion, the detrimental
changes
Use synonyms
 on
earth
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 could be related to the loss of some floras and faunas. With
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
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 to
this
Linking Words
 matter, it could be inferred that some plants and animals had
crucial
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a crucial
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 role
on
Change preposition
in
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 the atmosphere of
Use synonyms
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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. It seems that
,
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apply
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 these creatures, could filter the harmful elements of polluted air or soil, which in turn, could create
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 life quality for humankind.
For instance
Linking Words
, there were some kinds of trees around Tabriz, which had a great role in cleaning the polluted weather, and they
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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provided a safe nest for a specific
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of birds. After destroying
this
Linking Words
 area, the air quality decreased;
moreover
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,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
condition
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condition,
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 the population of a specific kind of insects increased
,
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apply
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 and caused immense problems for farmers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 deleterious
changes
Use synonyms
 on the
earth
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 could be related to fundamental aspects. Their logic is based on the harmful activity of humankind in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature. Individuals
for
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apply
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facilitating their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 reshape the
earth
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, which
consequently
Linking Words
, could affect the environment negatively.
For example
Linking Words
, destroying jungles and using vehicles could damage the plants and animals’ habitats. In a nutshell, views about negative alteration in
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 have
risen
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 many debates. Some believe that these negative
changes
Use synonyms
 are related to some flora and fauna extinction;
however
Linking Words
, others think that the negative effect of mankind living
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 could cause serious
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
earth
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on clarifying your main points and ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. While your ideas are relevant, they can sometimes lack clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines what the essay will discuss. Your introduction now hints at this but can be strengthened for a higher score.
task achievement
Make sure to provide balanced views in both paragraphs, offering more detailed analysis and specific examples to support each viewpoint.
complete response
Your essay addresses both views and provides your opinion, meeting the requirements of the task.
relevant specific examples
The essay contains specific examples, like the trees around Tabriz, which add credibility to your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoints, providing closure to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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