IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #governments #access #people’s #phone #records #messages #safety #information #permission
In the
curresnt
Correct your spelling
current
 era, more and more governments believe that people should record their
owen
Correct your spelling
own
 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and messages for safety reasons.
While
 others say these
data
 are private and not
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
Correct article usage
the adminstrations
show examples
adminstrations
Correct your spelling
administration
. In the following essay, we will explore both
argumments
Correct your spelling
arguments
argument
, and I will support my viewpoints. On the one hand, some countries require private
data
 for the nations
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example,records of mobile phone
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 and messages
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 protect them.
Thus
, there are
variatey
Correct your spelling
variety
varieties
 of causes , the principal reason is that
effect
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affect
show examples
 social, the public who suffers harmful from some
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 in the country
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, stole. After that, the government can recall all the
data
 between them,
therefore
;
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
 the police
to catch
Change preposition
in catching
show examples
 the thief.
For example
, my friend who
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 had stolen his ID card and
Incurance
Correct your spelling
Insurance
 card.
Hence
, he called for private hospitals in my country and
then
 introduced
report
Correct article usage
a report
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
police
Add an article
the police
a police
show examples
 station. Fortunately,
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 five hours and all cards
with
Add a missing verb
were with
show examples
 him.
On the other hand
, members of
Correct article usage
the conutry
show examples
conutry
Correct your spelling
country
 argue that
and contain
Wrong verb form
containing
show examples
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
 is private for the person which returned to certain effects. The major reason is that economic effects, how is that. To illustrate more, rich men consider these
data
 private and non
avialable
Correct your spelling
available
.
For example
, an article published in AL Watan newspaper in 2015 said " private
data
 of people should is
non available
Add a hyphen
non-available
show examples
 in any administration government to protect them". That
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 a lot of communities suffer from breakthrough their accounts. In conclusion, I am convinced
these
Change the determiner
this
show examples
 information is private.
Howevere
Correct your spelling
However
, the
covernment
Correct your spelling
government
 has
Correct article usage
the responibility
show examples
responibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to
konw
Correct your spelling
know
 the accounts of
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 to obtain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety in all fields.
Therefore
, individuals should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 that the country desires to protect them and
this
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
chance to assist the
govenment's
Correct your spelling
government's
 growth.
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, strive to provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Ensure that each point is fully explained and supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical structure by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with distinct ideas. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details or examples.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame the argument.
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