IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people these days rely on traditional medicines rather than going to doctors. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #medicines #doctors #development
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Despite
a
Correct article usage
the
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 huge development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medicine which has been going on during the
last
decades
Change to a genitive case
decade's
decades'
show examples
 many
people
 still do not
trust
 it.
Such
people
prefere
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to use traditional medicines than go to the doctor. Their behaviour may be caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fear
as well as
 the lack of
trust
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science and constitutes an example of negative development. Many
people
 do not
trust
 the science.
As a result
, they are scared to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new forms of drugs or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical treatment which they believe can have a negative impact on their health. A great example of
such
people
are
Change the verb form
is
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 the anti-vaccine campaigners who claim that a vaccination can lead to either
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seriuos
Correct your spelling
serious
 harm.
Therefore
, they are trying to avoid professional medicines in favour of the traditional
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 made of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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natural ingredients which, unfortunately, are less effective. A lack of
trust
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional medicines is a serious problem in the nowadays world. The
people
 who refuse
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specialised treatment constitute a threat to both themselves and the rest of society. To illustrate
this
, I will use an
exaplme
Correct your spelling
example
 of the
promaganda
Correct your spelling
propaganda
 of anti-vaccine campaigners that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been on the fore during the
pandemy
Correct your spelling
pandemic
 of COVID-19. Many
people
 refuse to get vaccinated,
consequently
, not only endangering their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 others. In conclusion, the most significant causes of using traditional
mediciles
Correct your spelling
medicine
 are the lack of
trast
Correct your spelling
trust
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 science
as well as
 the fear of the new forms of drugs.
Such
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
behaviour
consititutes
Correct your spelling
constitutes
 a serious threat to the whole society as it may
endangered
Change the verb form
endanger
show examples
people
 like during the
pandemy
Correct your spelling
pandemic
 of COVID-19.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

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task response
To improve your score for Task Response, ensure you provide a more comprehensive analysis of the causes and effects of reliance on traditional medicine. This includes presenting balanced viewpoints and offering a more detailed evaluation of whether this trend is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices to improve the logical flow of your essay.
general
Pay attention to language accuracy. While small inaccuracies don't heavily impact your score, reducing grammar issues will enhance readability and overall quality.
task response
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by mentioning both the rise in traditional medicine use and the main reasons behind it. This helps in clearly understanding the context.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion on the matter, which adds to the cohesiveness of the essay.
task response
You have made use of relevant examples, which help in illustrating your points. This enhances the clarity of your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Natural remedies
  • Cost-effective
  • Medical skepticism
  • Adverse side effects
  • Pharmaceutical companies
  • Accessibility
  • Rural regions
  • Anecdotal success stories
  • Holistic approach
  • Treat the root cause
  • Conventional medicine
  • Traditional practices
  • Economic factors
  • Trust and belief systems
What to do next:
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