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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the avarage percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the avarage percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
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The charts below show
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of three ingredients that have detrimental effects on the health
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
dinner
Use synonyms
 lunch and
snacks
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest proportion of both
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat is utilized in
dinner
Use synonyms
 meals. Vise versa
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
 eat the lowest rate of the mentioned nutrients in
breakfast
Use synonyms
. Look in more detail, individuals use 43% of total
sodium
Use synonyms
 consumption at
dinner
Use synonyms
. People consume 14% of their total
sodium
Use synonyms
 during
breakfast
Use synonyms
, and they
also
Linking Words
intake
Use synonyms
 an equivalent amount
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
. In line with the
sodium
Use synonyms
 consumption pattern, 37% of saturated fat
intake
Use synonyms
 occurs at
dinner
Use synonyms
, making it the highest proportion compared to other meals. It is obvious that the highest
intake
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
, 42% of total
intake
Use synonyms
, occurs in people's
snacks
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a mere 16% of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 is utilized in
breakfast
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, second in terms of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 utilization is related to
dinner
Use synonyms
 meals. Clearly, the largest portion of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption—42% of the total—comes from
snacks
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 only 16% is consumed at
breakfast
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
dinner
Use synonyms
 ranks second in terms of added
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words breakfast, dinner, snacks, sodium, intake, sugar with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • saturated fats
  • sugars
  • salts
  • unhealthy
  • dietary intake
  • percentage
  • typical meals
  • health risks
  • consumption
  • cultural influences
  • regional dietary habits
  • health consequences
  • balanced diet
  • dietary guidelines
  • moderation
  • healthier alternatives
  • public health campaigns
  • awareness
  • nutritional balance
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