IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families, because of pressures of work. What problems does this create for individuals and their families? What solutions can you propose? Which would be the most effective solution, in your view?

#people #time #families #pressures #work #create #individuals
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It is obvious that these days many people find they have
indufficient
Correct your spelling
insufficient
time
 to
send
Correct your spelling
spend
show examples
 with their
families
,because of
pressure
Add an article
the pressure
show examples
 of
work
. The questions are, what problems does
this
 create for individuals and their
families
? What solutions can I propose? Which would be the most effective solution, in my view? In
this
 essay, I'm going to clarify some issues
cause
Change the form of the verb
caused
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 stress for individuals and their
families
.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Correct pronoun usage
it illuminate
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illuminate
Replace the word
illuminates
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number
Correct article usage
a number
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approaches to
solve out
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
 the concerns.  Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people allocate their
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
work
, especially when there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 pressure
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 conduct leads to problems with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 their
families
. In terms of the obstacles, there will be a gap between the individual and his/her family,
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
, when the worker doesn't take part in the special family's occasions.
Furthermore
, if the person has
a children
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
,
this
 causes
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
umfamilier
Correct your spelling
unfamiliar
familiar
 with them, and couldn't be able to understand them or be close
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
Additionally
, when there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure in the
work
, and it has been moved to the home, it can
escalating
Change the verb form
escalate
be escalating
show examples
 conflicts with the wife and other family members. Every problem has a solution for it, and these problems have a number of approaches to reduce them or solve them completely.
First,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 must divide the
time
 between
the
Change the word
their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and family, both of them
part
Add a missing verb
are part
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life, family need each other to pass the days.
Second,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 should try to take
a vacations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a vacation
vacations
show examples
 ( in the acceptable range from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
) and spend all of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
 with loved ones, specifically, when there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
significant events. In conclusion, if we give all of our
time
 to the job,
that's
Unnecessary verb
that
show examples
 will not end, and will
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our mental health.
Balance
Wrong verb form
Balancing
show examples
 everything in our life is the most suitable way to live.
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task achievement
Work on providing clear and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and provide a deeper understanding of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that your points are well-organized. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
You successfully present an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay nicely.
task achievement
You cover the requirements of the task by discussing both the problems and solutions related to lack of family time due to work pressures.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Flexible working hours**: Work schedules that allow employees to vary their arrival and departure times.
  • 2. **Remote working**: Working from a location other than the traditional office, usually from home.
  • 3. **Work-life balance**: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • 4. **Mental health**: A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.
  • 5. **Paid family leave**: Time off work with pay granted to employees to take care of family members.
  • 6. **Time management**: The process of planning and exercising conscious control of time spent on specific activities.
  • 7. **Prioritize**: To arrange or deal with in order of importance.
  • 8. **Guilt**: A feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.
  • 9. **Neglected**: Suffering a lack of proper care.
  • 10. **Behavioral issues**: Actions and mannerisms exhibited by individuals, often resulting from stress or emotional instability.
  • 11. **Support systems**: Networks of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.
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