IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Social media has replaced the traditional methods of communication, and people use more and more social media to communicate, and to follow news and events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#media #methods #communication #people #news #events
Nowadays, we facing the era of technological development , especially in social
media
. Some
people
 believe that the traditional approach
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 communication will gradually disappear and be totally replaced with social platforms.
Whereas
 others do not agree with the nation. In my opinion, I strongly encouraged
this
 idea
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several reasons that increased the pros over the cons.
To begin
 with, the replacement of the conventional way of communication plays a significant role in globalization.
Moreover
,
people
 apart can communicate with each other in an easy simple way.
However
, it enhances the communication between
people
 from different countries and cities.
In addition
, it helps to discover new cultures and learn languages by making connections with
people
 from different areas.
Nevertheless
, we can explore the world through
this
 invention. A recent study in the UK proves that many students are learning new languages
while
 they are using social
media
.
On the other hand
, social
media
 innovation has a huge impact on
people
's development.
Furthermore
, it is more convenient to gather information using social platforms
such
 as Google, Facebook and YouTube.
In addition
,
this
 can help citizens in remote and isolated areas to increase their education level and skills in different fields and
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
.
For instance
, some
people
 are working at home through their own laptop or computer using the social interaction program which can help them increase.
To conclude
, social
media
 have an essential effect on our lives. I believe that the advantages are heavier than the drawbacks
due to
 the easy connections between
people
 and the development of
people
 skills.
Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, it would benefit from a clearer stance and more detailed examples that illustrate your points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate effective task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay could improve its logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Using linking words and phrases will enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Including a greater variety of sentence structures and vocabulary can make your writing more engaging and complex.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly outline your perspective, which provides a solid framework for the essay.
task achievement
You make some valid points about the benefits of social media for globalization and education. These are well-reasoned and relevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: