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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart and table below give information about tourists at a particular holiday resort in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and table below give information about tourists at a particular holiday resort in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #tourists #holiday #resort #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
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The table and pie chart compare travellers,who came from 4 parts of the Earth, mainly Asia,Europe,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and Others to Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 were from Europe.
Moreover
Linking Words
,Europeans spent more time than others in
this
Linking Words
 country. The interesting fact is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Asian and American
tourists
Use synonyms
 had similar interests.
Although
Linking Words
 the highest percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 were from Europe, 37%,the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage of travellers were from Other places,10%. 35% of travellers came from America.
While
Linking Words
 18% of comers were
asians
Change the capitalization
Asians
show examples
.
Tourists
Use synonyms
 from other regions stayed
about
Change preposition
for about
show examples
 10
days
Use synonyms
 in Australia.
However
Linking Words
, Europeans stayed 6
days
Use synonyms
 more than them. Asians' average length of stay was 7
days
Use synonyms
. But
american
Change the capitalization
American
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 stay 14
days
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 country.If
most
Add an article
the most
show examples
 popular place for
tourists
Use synonyms
 from Asia was
5-star
Add an article
a 5-star
show examples
 hotel,
americans
Change the capitalization
Americans
show examples
 chose
4-star
Add an article
the 4-star
a 4-star
show examples
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,Europeans and
people
Use synonyms
 who came from other countries stayed in camping or caravans.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 sightseeing was interesting
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from Asia and the USA. Most of the
tourists
Use synonyms
 from the EU were keen on swimming and sunbathing.
People
Use synonyms
 from other places were interested in surfing.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, people, days with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • comparison
  • spike
  • drop
  • correlation
  • seasonal variation
  • demographics
  • tourist influx
  • resort
  • holidaymakers
  • visitor statistics
  • notable changes
  • fluctuation
  • steady growth
  • decline
  • peak season
  • off-peak season
  • international tourists
  • domestic tourists
  • external factors
  • economic conditions
  • political climate
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